This week marked the sixth issue of the Red Lanterns debut run, and issue number six dredges through the plot just as slowly as the first five. Overall, the Red Lanterns premise seems promising and full of potential, but thus far the execution has been slow to fruition. Readers following the rage of the Red Lantern Corps should be privy to gruesome action scenes filled with blood, gore, and revenge as they tromp across the universe, yet it seems as if the Red Lanterns prefer to hangout on Ysmault to converse about mutiny and conspiracy.
Illustrated by Ed Benes
No, this isn’t my number ten. I thought we’d kick things off with the worst cover. Oh, Benes. Must we have a zombie ass shot? Really? Yeah, DC, get that man on the Blackest Night: Titans series and he’ll draw all the dead Titans in one big zombie orgy. Terrific.
10. Illustrated by Fabrizio Fiorentino
Whose hand is that? Will the JLA DIE??? No, but is that Plastic Man as the King? That’s cool. I kind of want to read this. Oh wait, this book is terrible. Nevermind.
9. Illustrated by Andy Kubert
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s a striking image. It’s not every day that someone has a hand in Batman. Will DC kill off their new Batman already?
8. Illustrated by Amanda Conner
That’s an interesting cover. I wish it had a background, but it’s been awhile since I saw Power Girl in a monster’s paw. And PG’s expression is awesome! Well done, Conner!
7. Illustrated by Frank Quitely
As much as I love Quitely, his covers aren’t always the best, but I like this. It’s like we’re in the POV of some giant. Look at our huge hands, and our minions are beating up the heroes way off in the distance. The pencils are unusually loose for Quitely, and I dig the coloring.
6. Illustrated by J. Bone
Take note, Benes. That’s how you do ass shots! It’s the generic JLA cover backwards! Sweet!
5. Illustrated by Simon Bisley
Who hurt you, Constantine? Who hurt you?
4. Illustrated by Dave Johnson
“I killed him, Horatio.”
3. Illustrated by David Lapham
The last Young Liars issue. Too bad. Great cover, though. Sad, absurd, and tells you something about the comic. It involves Mars.
2. Illustrated by Brian Bolland
Brian Bolland back on Animal Man covers, everything is right in the world. How amazing is that? Wonderfully drawn, striking, who’s pointing at Animal Man? What’s happening to Animal Man? The only downside is Starfire. She just radiates “skank” doesn’t she? Oh, well. At least Bolland didn’t draw Starfire naked.
1. Illustrated by JH Williams III
Williams is amazing. This cover isn’t as spellbinding as last month’s, it’s a bit more conventional. But this is a cover you will notice. That wolf makes it look like Coppola’s Dracula is involved. I have no idea who that guy embracing Batwoman is, and I love the way Batwoman’s blood blends with her red hair. I am so looking forward to this comic!
So, that’s my list. What’s yours?
Instead of doing the usual coverage of my twice-monthly DCBS shipment, I thought I’d split my remaining reviews into separate Roundups divided by overall quality: The Groaners, The Mediocres and The Gooders. This, obviously, is The Groaners. For those that have read the following books, yes, I feel your pain. For those that have not, yes, you dodged a bullet and your wallet thanks you.
• Anna Mercury #2 (**): OH MY GOD. This one is awful. Forget every nice thing I said about the first issue. This series reads likes it’s based on an idea that’s 10 years old. You got me, Ellis. Oh, you bastard.
• Dreamwar #3 (**1/2): Things are not looking up. Finally, we get some kind of explanation… well, no. We get Superman crying after Batman is killed, “Hal… Ollie’s dead. Why didn’t it matter to us? What are we doing?” Yeah, I’d love the answer to that one too. Please? Thanks. Oh, wait… Zealot killed Batman:
• Justice League of America #22 (*): One. I hate the Amazo story from the opening arc. Two. I still hate it. Three. Why does every woman that Benes draws look like a total whore? Four. Black Canary serves it up fresh. Wait, that was awesome! Five. Red Tornado… don’t care!!!
• The Programme #12 (-): To be honest, I skimmed it and then read the end. Of what I read, I have no idea what this book was supposed to be about and I don’t really care to ever know.
• Runaways #30 (*1/2): It could have been worse. If you skip the first 15 or 16 pages, the wrap-up is kind of nice. My favorite/best part of this travesty? Finding out just how fucked up Nico has become.
• Amazing Spider-Man #563 (**1/2): Note to Bob Gale – Stop telling cheesy jokes. This has been a message from your readership.
• Superman #677 (*): Um, is this supposed to be in continuity? Superman talks like a fucking idiot! Misogyny? Check. Naiveté? Check. I mean, shit. The guy talks about his dog like a 7-year old would. How lame is this? I thought Robinson was this huge talent? And who the heck is this lame-ass Atlas character? GAH! I didn’t think it could get worse than the Busiek Superman run, but this one has shown me the error of my ways.
• Superman/Batman #49 (**1/2): I’m surprised how bad this was as compared to the other 5 parts of this story. The end just didn’t work for me. I don’t buy Lana Lang trying to poison the earth with Kryptonite in order to force Supes to leave, never mind the fact that she has been behind this plot the whole time. This is just ludicrous to me. This story is definitely out of continuity. I don’t see Johns or Robinson paying much attention to this particular change in the Clark/Lana dynamic. Oh, but I did like that final page (with Batman inside that vault filled with all types of Kryptonite): Yep, Bats is a douchebag.
• Trinity #3-4 (**): This book is boring. And ugly. Bagley doing DC characters just doesn’t look right. As much as I hate doing it, I’m dropping this book. Maybe if the plot picks up later, I’ll jump back in. For now, I’m just gonna ignore it. Sit it out like my pal, Superman.
• The Ultimates #4 (*): I don’t know what bugs me more? The awful plot or the “ripped straight from cheesy movie” dialogue? “Come with me if you want to live.” Really? REALLY?!?!
• Uncanny X-Men #499 (**1/2): I loved the first 4 parts… this was a jumbled mess. The A and B plot did not sync up well, every cutaway was painful, and the revelation that the mysterious hippie woman was Mastermind’s daughter was actually a non-event. Meanwhile, back in Russia… their faces: priceless.
• Wolverine #66 (*): MOST OVER-RATED BOOK OF THE YEAR. Everyone is literally jacking off into each other’s mouths over this one… I just don’t see it. This book is atrocious. So atrocious, someone needs to give it a red power ring. DING. I mean, BIG DEAL, Millar is adapting “Unforgiven” and using Wolverine to play the role of William Muny. I don’t care! Why!?!? Why is this a good idea? (And I like westerns…)
• X-Men: Legacy #213 (**): Are we ready for some super-retcons? So, let me break this one down: Mr. Sinister has a machine that in the event of his death will transfer his essence into the body of Professor X?
And on that note… I’ll post The Mediocres tomorrow, maybe. Hey, it’s the Fourth of July, I may be busy. Like, drinking and stuff.