Review: Final Crisis #5 – Spoilers!

Final Crisis #5 (of 7) (Cover B)


Pages 1-3: Even Granny Goodness knows about Parallax? Hal can’t catch a break! Remember that scar on Hal’s head that you first saw in Final Crisis #1? Well that’s explained here. Granny goes after the power battery! Good God these guys have a good plan. Take out the best heroes. Check. Enslave most of the planet. Check. Take control of the most powerful weapon in the universe.

Pages 4-6: Thankfully, not check. Hal punches Granny in the face! That was a fun sentence to write. Wow! Granny hurts a Guardian. Way to give the Alpha Lanterns too much power guys. Stupid Smurfs! We also know for sure that Darkseid’s fall, actually seen in DC Universe #0 I believe, is as Guy Gardner says, “dragging all our friends into hell with him”. Remember in issue #3 when the fast food Monitor was talking about the increased gravity? Think of Darkseid’s fall like a black hole. Everything is getting pulled in. Oh and this was a nice Hal moment. “You have 24 hours to save the universe, lantern Jordan”. I’ll stay away from the Jack Bauer joke, but I like that Grant is making the Lanterns play an important role here. And why shouldn’t they? Green Lanterns rule! Sure it’s mostly about Hal, but hey he was the one wrongly accused and had something put in his brain. And Kyle fans should be happy because he’s there too and so is Guy. What about Stewart?

Page 7: Ah, government super-soldiers, you have to love them. Hey it makes sense that Checkmate would have these. I wonder what role Montoya will play.

Pages 8-9: Ok, so the Plague Goddess, Wonder Woman, and the new Furies, Catwoman, Batwoman, and Gigantrix are set up in the present. Darkseid’s servants talk about their worth, but it doesn’t matter. This is all about Darkseid.

Pages 10-13: We see the struggling heroes. A lot of JSA, Tempest, and the Bulleteer! Oh and Donna Troy is a Dark Zombie, too bad. More Super Young Team, yay! “How will you explain yourselves to this man’s fans?” Ha Ha! So the new hip definition of a Motherboxxx is “If Gods made I-Pods that were alive?” Way beyond that”.  The Swiss border just got further away? Explain it Mr. Miracle. “A fallen Devil-God is dragging us down with him into a deep, dark hole in time, with no light, no hope and no escape”. So Grant has explained it a few times now. No confusion, right?

Pages 14-17: King Kalibak and his Tiger-Clan! The animal theme continues! Why shouldn’t big events affect the animals? We also get two pages of pretty splash. Four motorcycles? Why not? As we learned from Mad Max, it’s the best vehicle for the apocalypse. Who’s in here? More JSA (Makes sense. They’ve been around the longest. They’re the cockroaches of the DCU), Black Adam, John Stewart (No not from the Daily Show, the GL. See, all the Green Lanterns are getting some love) and Frankenstein baby!

Page 18-19: The different languages theme continues! Again, I love it! Why should big events just affect Americans? Frankenstein quotes Paradise Lost? That’s cool. I know Morrison thinks of Darkseid as part Milton’s Satan. Supergirl vs. Mary S&M? Not yet, first Black Adam has to beat her ass!

Pages 20-21: “I saw a leering old man in her eyes!” Who do you think is in Mary Marvel? Is this Desaad? I wonder what her “blasphemous name of power” is. Damn, she hits Freddie and Black Adam pretty hard. Oh and Kalibak beating Tawky Tawny? I called it.

Pages 22-24: We check up on our lost Monitor. There’s a harry figure, that is pretty much revealed to be Weeja Dell, the lost Monitor’s girl. And the other mysterious figure is Metron. Think about it. Weeja shows the chair drawing. This guy is wearing blue and glued to his chair. When was the last time you saw Metron out of his chair? He also cracks the “God number” of the Rubik Cube that makes things go blue explodey.

Page 25: This is an interesting Luthor moment. Siding with aliens trying to enslave the human race? That’s what you fight against Luthor! Fight back! Libra, haven’t seen much of him lately, says something unsettling as well, “I might even let you be first in line with Supergirl”. Raping Supergirl? Is that a thought that has crossed Luthor’s mind? This is a dark crazy world.

Page 26: Jordan’s ring isn’t working right? Everything is going wrong. Darkseid’s loyal servants are dying. “All flesh will be Darkseid’s body.”Whoa!

Page 27-28: “It’s like a brain sending signals to a gigantic nervous system”, whoa again! “Dropp’d from the zenith like a falling star”, more Paradise Lost. Supergirl and Mary fight in one panel. Maybe we’ll get more next issue? The Green Lanterns are coming thank God.

Pages 29-31: Ok, did anyone else read Darkseid’s words here out loud? I hope so. This is some crazy stuff! I’m one of the guys who think Darkseid can give Luthor a run for his money in the “Best Superman Villain” category, but even I can’t think of a time when Darkseid has seemed this startling. When has he been scarier? When has he seemed this powerful? “The Fifth World of Darkseid has begun!”

Page 32: The lost Monitor is the Metron of the Fifth World. “Something new is born.” He doesn’t have a chair, but has that blue thingy around his head instead. Well, the guy is a dreamer so it makes sense that he’s more visual.

4 thoughts on “Review: Final Crisis #5 – Spoilers!

  1. Great review as usual. I gotta agree, Darkseid’s lines through those final pages gotta be one of the best villain monologue’s I’ve ever seen.

    I’m really intrigued with Nix Uotan, though. Can’t wait for next issue.

  2. Hey I remember you from Batman #681. I’m glad we can both appreciate some Morrison magic.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yeah isn’t Darkseid scary?! I’m curious about Nix too. I was tired and I hadn’t looked through the previous issues when I wrote this review, I probably shouldn’t have said Uotan is the Fifth World Metron. He could be, but I’m not positive. I forgot at the time that Tattooed Man has the Metron pattern on his skin right now. I thought he could be the new Metron too. Nix Uotan could be a Fifth World Monitor or something else entirely.

    “Can’t wait for the next issue”, very true, but that’s how I always feel after Final Crisis.

    Final Crisis #6, 7 and Superman Beyond #2 should blow some minds.

  3. I really wish that Superman Beyond 2 would be in 3-D like number 1 was.
    I know that it will “blow some minds”, for sure, but it still is a little bit of a let-down…

  4. Oh wow it’s not? I didn’t know that. I’m pretty sure Morrison wanted it to be though. So, is that another “Fuck Didio” moment?

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