Review: Fantastic Four #560

FUTURE DYSTOPIA!

I’ve warmed up to this run (I’m actually really enjoying its throwback style), but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the flaws. Take this issue for instance, logic errors abound!

It’s 500 years in the future and Hulk (Millar) would have us believe that it’s far easier to build a super time machine to send eight billion people to the past than it is to build spaceships to transport those same people off-planet? No. Oh, but this is cool, right? So you wanna go with it? Me too! Let’s see how long those beliefs remain suspended, shall we?

Wait, ethical dilemma, Mr. Ultron? Oh, the irony…

MY, GOD, ROBOT! You’re right! Why didn’t super-smart Hulk think of this?

Well, look how petty the heroes are in the 26th century! But seriously, besides the ethical dilemma, this plan is doomed to failure. Like, if part of the reason the planet fell apart in the first place was overpopulation and the mismanagement of natural resources, then how the hell do you suppose to solve those problems by adding eight billion more mouths to the equation? Logically, this doesn’t make sense. But, whatever. Apparently this question is irrelevant:

Establish a base? HUH?!? I don’t understand this. So, there’s not enough power in the future, but there is in the past? And we’re not talking about hydro-electric, nuclear or coal produced power, we’re talking about the kind of power that comes from the cosmic!

Man, Bryan Hitch loves him some Galactus! Okay, so these New Defenders “mug” the Big G, siphon off his power, shunt a small group into the future, build their base and go about looking for “ultimate” power. Where do they find this power? Oh, you know, they just go out and “mug” this century’s Galactus, break Dr. Doom out of jail and kidnap The Human Torch.

Slow down… in the future, it took the combined might of 170ish New Defenders to tackle Galactus but in our time they manage the same feet with less than six guys? W. T. F. On top of that, how the hell did they even locate Galactus? Where did they obtain the means for space flight? THIS IS SO STUPID!!! IT’S TOO STUPID!!!*

Okay, fine, maybe Millar will explain this next issue and maybe he won’t, I’ll assume they managed it somehow and move on… but then there’s still the matter of Dr. Doom and Human Torch. Why these two? Are we to believe that the combination of these three beings is enough to bring eight billion peeps from the future to the past? Does the math seem wrong to anyone else? Like I could understand it if they’d captured like 50 super heroes, or 100, or 200, but just three? The scale here is wrong.

Um, no! Super heroes don’t kidnap other super heroes and use them like batteries!

Can’t wait for this. That single panel may have redeemed this entire issue for me.

Oh, back to the sub-plots! This is the chick that’s dating Thing. That is her ex-boyfriend. He seems upset. Last panel is great. What’s he gonna do?!?

Okay, so by the end of this issue we discover that this nanny chick is actually Susan Storm from the future and she’s also the mastermind behind this whole “Save the Future” scheme. I scanned these panels to show that yes, Bryan Hitch was playing fair with us the whole time. Looking at these panels side-by-side and it becomes so obvious that these two women are the same person. Just look at that nose! Same nose! Same lips! Bravo, Mr. Hitch.

Ah, just a cool shot to illustrate the talent of Mr. Hitch, although the writing kind of fails here. If this is future Sue, would she really resort to this type of blatant show of force? I mean, wouldn’t she just wrap present Sue’s head in an invisible force field ‘til she passed out? It wouldn’t kill her and the fight would be over in seconds. Also, she wouldn’t have the clues to figure out that nanny lady is actually her from the future. DURF.

…and here is where Millar almost redeems himself. Obviously, Sue has thought about the question I brought up earlier in this review: how can present Earth support the lives of the present and future populations? Um, it can’t. Sue knows this… Sue is going to kill us all!!!

No, Sue. It is YOU that’s embarrassing yourself. OBVIOUSLY, Mr. Fantastic is going to find you! He’s FANTASTIC!!! You should know better, lady.

As a midway point (for the run), this issue works fine. It moves the plot forward (albeit illogically at times) and gets most of the exposition out of the way. I assume next issue will be jammed full of action, suspense and Doom killing Invisible Woman. YAY!

*Or it could be that the Galactus pictured is “future” Galactus. If that’s the case, then that portion of my argument falls apart, but it then raises another equally pressing question: two Big Gs in the same time? PARADOX!!!

5 thoughts on “Review: Fantastic Four #560

  1. Actually, I had always assumed that the Galactus beneath Johnny and Doom WAS the Galactus from the future; it was Johnny and Doom that were the missing pieces of the equation.

    (Oh, just saw your footnote–yeah, that one; I agree with that!)

    BTW, as to the overpopulation problem, didn’t someone leave a spare Earth lying around somewhere? 😉

    I like to think of the logical errors as big 60’s era comic science–it makes sense because we say it does! ^_^

  2. Nu-Earth!

    nah, i think Sue is going to kill us. her comments are just TOO ominous.

    “I like to think of the logical errors as big 60’s era comic science–it makes sense because we say it does! ^_^”

    yeah, i think that’s what he was going for, but i think Millar explains too much about the “super science”. the expo should be simpler. when you go into detail you open yourself up to “logic attacks”!

    heh.

    but, you’re right. it’s part of the charm… i just want to hate Millar, i guess.

  3. I don’t care what branch of SciFi Time Travel Physics you subscribe to… MOVING THE ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION BACK IN TIME MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

    I don’t demand much from Comic Physics anymore, but seriously, this issue made my head hurt so much. Bruce Jr. would KNOW these problems ahead of time, and he would KNOW what a ridiculously stupid concept it all is. BAH.

    And speaking of tangents: Whoever is inking this run needs to be bludgeoned to death with a Betamax. Hitch is turning in beautiful layouts, and this hack is turning them into a filthy pile of black scratches. It could even be Hitch himself inking for all I know– if that’s the case, he needs to cut it out and hire someone competent. The inks are ruining what should be a gorgeous comic.

    Inks are funny that way– if they’re perfect, you don’t notice them. But you definitely notice them if they suck. And these ones suck. So very, very hard.

  4. “nah, i think Sue is going to kill us. her comments are just TOO ominous.”

    Yeah, I’m relatively sure that’s her intent, I’m just saying that I’d put money down that that is how Mr. Fantastic is going to solve the problem.

    And about the logic holes, don’t forget that we’re getting this story as relayed to Johnny. Sure, we’re all used to “villains” revealing their entire plot as they have the heroes tied to their death machine, but that doesn’t mean that that’s what HAS to happen… It could be that Banner is trying to win Johnny’s sympathy to make this an easier job for them (like the Skrulls’ messages in Secret Invasion). Now, I’m not saying that that IS what’s happening, but with how this issue made more sense out of a lot of the things in FF that have warranted a “What the?!” response from me before, I wouldn’t count it completely out either.

  5. Dammit! I’m going to have to get these issues…

    And I won’t be able to go to the ultimate recent back issue sale at Wild Pig Comics in Jersey the first weekend of November.

    Dammit!

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