Review/RANT: Hulk #5

Sooooo, Hulk #5… let me first point out that when I’m wrong, I’m more than man enough to admit it, but this is not one of those times. The current Hulk series is still incredibly entertaining and magnificently drawn. These opening panels were cheesy fun, and fit well with the established tone of the series. I also loved the panel where Hulk kicks the helmet off Thor’s head. All said, the series has been great stuff so far.

The following RANT will have nothing to do with story direction or tone, and will not contain complaints about Jeph Loeb’s quote unquote talent. What I want to discuss is simple: LOGIC.


Does the idea introduced here by Mr. Loeb make sense to anyone? How about this one?


Pulling and Zero gravity? Do we buy this? C’mon! WHAT THE ####, MAN!?! This is some of the most asinine stuff I’ve ever read. Everybody knows how Thor’s hammer works, and BROTHER, it does not work like that! Pulling something, for all intents, is the same as picking it up. And the space thing? NO ####ING WAY. It’s a magic hammer, Loeb, it doesn’t follow the laws of physics!!! If the enchantment says that “none but those that are worthy may lift this hammer”, than that’s exactly what it means. No pulling! No Zero-G! And definitely no swinging it over your head and propelling yourself through space!!!

I can understand Loeb trying to be clever. That’s fine. It shows initiative. It shows that despite popular opinion, Loeb actually cares enough about this book to get creative. I like where his head’s at. But, #### dude, this was a dumb shit of an idea. Where was the editor on this one?

I lied, I do have a nit to pick (obviously, I don’t consider logic to be a nitpick). It’s dialogue related:

Thor refers to his hammer as “My Mjolnir”, and the problem with that is that Thor would never use the possessive. He would just say “Mjolnir” because there’s only one! It’s not a collectable with an edition size! They made one, and it belongs to Thor. The corrected word balloon should read: “What kind of beast are you that you do not fall before Mjolnir.”

Again, besides all that, I’m still loving this book. “Suck it”, haters!

14 thoughts on “Review/RANT: Hulk #5

  1. Okay, so you finally saw illogical events in this issue. I have seen them in the past 3 issues, with the last issue and this one being enough to make me not take this book seriously and to drop the book because of how frustrating it is. A Watcher would not go down as easily as Uatu did. Thor’s hammer shouldn’t have worked the way it did and Thor was weaker than he should have been.

    I have no problem with the art, aside from the coloring of the Red Hulk and A-Bomb (so every gamma powered freak so far has been between gray and green, and suddenly there is bright red and bright blue? WTF?) which isn’t McGuinness, but the story annoys me so much. Stopping now.

  2. the Watcher thing doesn’t bother me because we do not yet know just how powerful this new Red Hulk is, but judging by what we’ve seen so far, he’s more powerful than a Watcher, the Green Hulk and Thor. this is an apples to apples thing.

    now, the hammer issue is different. to me, it’s a question of brains vs magic, a apples to oranges thing. Loeb presents an argument, in dialogue, as to why the Red Hulk can “lift” Mjolnir. Basically, Loeb would have us believe that the Red Hulk can outsmart magic. huh-wha?

    maybe i’m splitting hairs… it just seems like a much greater suspension of disbelief to accept that the Red Hulk is > magic, then to accept that the Red Hulk is > Hulk or Thor or Watcher.


    Maybe Loeb is actually using Hulk to make some pointed commentary about how stupid ‘suspension of disbelief’ is for a comic book in the first place. At this rate he should be destroying Galactus by the end of the arc.

    I can’t tell if this is genius, or just mildly retarded. At least it looks pretty.

  4. Silly Billy, using your brain while reading Hulk. Although it is a bit funny. I still think this book is stupid enjoyable fun, but I’m starting to get the feeling that there actually is some substance. However, don’t let that spoil your fun. But think about this:

    Is it possible that this is Loeb’s commentary on comics?

    Could A-Bomb be Loeb expressing his disgust with idiotic D-Listers with ridiculous names?

    Could Red Hulk be his commentary on new incredibly over-powered characters that, after their first appearance, significantly decrease in power and are forgotten?

    Is Loeb demonstrating his hatred for Uatu?

    Consider that Red Hulk beat the hell out of the JMS version (I know, he didn’t act like it) of Thor. Does Loeb dislike the new Thor?

    Does Loeb dislike Thor?

    Does Loeb dislike characters with powerful gimmicks (Almost no one but Thor can pick up his hammer)?

    Does Loeb hate it when characters get around special powers in stupid ways?

    I may be grasping at straws with some of these. I feel a bit silly trying to look for something under the surface of a book like Hulk. But could any of this be a possibility?

  5. Well, Billy, see, he struggled against a Wendigo, and I am pretty sure that a Watcher is more powerful than a Wendigo by a lot. Oh, and he struggled more against Hulk and Thor then against Uatu?

  6. i wasn’t ranking them by power level in the above comment, and actually, i’m not sure that it really matters, but if the dramatic staging of the Watcher Fight really bothers you that much, let me offer a couple of specific comments to maybe put it in perspective:

    1) The Watcher is not what anyone would call a “natural fighter”.
    2) The Watcher has taken an oath of non-interference, which could translate to non-violence… but that may be reaching.
    3) The Watcher was blindsided by a Hulk.

    I’m pretty sure the surprise factor played a huge role in the Red Hulk’s win over the Watcher…. but seriously, was that really a win? Hulk got the sucker punch in, the Watcher fell down, Hulk jumped on his face, ready to clobber him some more… then the Green Hulk jumped in before the Watcher could truly respond. honestly, i don’t understand the whole Watcher hang-up. the fight was 3 pages and totally inconclusive. i don’t get why you’re so annoyed by it.

    I’m sure if they fought again (unlikely) and the Watcher saw the fists coming, he’d throw up some kind of protective forcefield. or teleport, or whatever.

  7. “It is safe to say at this point that this book is Marvel’s answer to All Star Batman and Robin, right?”

    Hulk is exactly that kind of book, and that’s why I’m enjoying it. It is completely ridiculous, and not a “good story” by any stretch of the imagination, but it is fun as hell. That’s enough for me.

    I do worry that this book won’t have legs past this introductory “have the hulk fight everyone” business.

  8. at this rate, he’ll eventually track down Eternity and punch his lights out. would that end the 616 universe as we know it?

    AH-HA! next summer’s big Marvel event starts here!!!

  9. I think Hulk is the perfect book for Jeph Loeb to write. It is just too bad that this book will probably hurt J. Michael Straczynski’s Thor run. What a little sissy bitch Thor is!

    I don’t REALLY have a problem with Loeb’s Hulk. The Ulti-Verse on the other hand. Ugh, don’t get me started.

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