Review: The Amazing Spider-Man #555-557

So far, I’ve liked Brand New Day. I haven’t loved it, but I’ve liked it. I’ve liked it better than what Spider-Man was before the travesty of One More Day and I’ve liked the idea of a thrice-weekly book. I’ve liked not having to wait a month to get the next part of the story. Which brings us to last month’s 3-parter. I’ve liked nothing from BND as much as I liked this story. Everything worked. The writing. The art. Everything. The only weirdness was the whole Christmas in April thing, but they explain it well enough with some obviously after-the-fact dialogue tweaks. It is well known that the start of BND was delayed due to the lateness of OMD. So, this story was supposed to come out a few months ago, you know, when snow in Manhattan was still a reasonable possibility. There also exists another continuity glitch, but it doesn’t really bother me. Dr. Strange appears in this issue even though he took his leave of the Secret Avengers over two months ago. Editor Steve Wacker diligently offers a “No-Prize” in the letter column to the fanboy who comes up with the best explanation for this freak occurrence. Me, I could really care less.

On to the story… A freak blizzard hits the city and Peter’s editor at the DB wants him to get pictures of the morning cleanup efforts. Peter tries to weasel his way out of it, but the rent check is due and relents. I’m skipping the stuff about Dr. Strange predicting some supernatural goings on scheduled for 4 am in the morning and the fact that Wolverine agrees to help him check it out… but all that’s beside the point. So Spidey camps out at 4, waiting for something mysterious to happen and then something mysterious does: some random dude is accosted by Mayan ninjas. Right? WTF! Spidey jumps in for the save, almost loses… and then Wolverine shows up late for their team-up. They team-up and whoop ass. Spidey says some clever shit about Wolverine purposefully injuring himself during his fights in order to justify his violent reprisals and then Wolverine laughs it off, basically telling Spidey to go #### himself. At the end of part 1, Spidey delivers the random scientist dude and the ninjas to the local Precinct and all is well. But wait, weird scientist guy says his other weird scientist pals are stuck somewhere out there in the blizzard. Oh noes!

The next part opens with Spidey wandering through the snow, completely lost. He stumbles across this bum dude and warms himself by the fire. Then he tries to steal the bum guy’s jacket. Spidey says it’s his and the bum guy is like “whatever.” Spidey immediately feels like the heel that he is and gives the jacket back. What a guy? Meanwhile back at the Precinct, forensics chick is figuring out some astonishing stuffs about the weirdo scientist guy and his Mayan attackers. And then we’re back to Spidey just in time to see him attacked by a scary looking white demon Mayan god beast. Spidey is way out of his league here. I guess this is as good a time as any for a planned digression… Spidey has never really been about the supernatural. Sure he’s tangled with vampires and gods before, but it’s never been at the core of what he’s about. That is, not until JMS started writing him. The introduction of that whole “Totem” nonsense, team-ups with Loki and Dr. Strange, and the horribly executed One More Day were premeditated ideas to open Spidey and his readers to the world of the Mystic Arts. This tale is just another in a long line of these recent premeditations. Normally, I like supernatural stories and this 3-parter was fine, but can we get back to plots where Spidey battles bad guys in his weight class? Digression ended… final page revelation: the weirdo scientist guy is actually a weirdo! Forensics chick is in trouble!

Which brings us to this, the final chapter. Spidey fights the Mayan demon god, saves forensics chick, beats up weirdo scientist guy and stops the sacrifice. Whew. Hey, can Peter make out with forensics chick already? I know the editors are playing it safe with regard to Peter’s sex life (yes, we all miss MJ), but c’mon, that guy needs to get laid yo’! It’s not cheating! They’re broken up! They don’t remember each other! Shit, MJ had to know Peter would be getting some action when she agreed to the deal… she had to know! Get some, Parker, I got your back.

This arc concludes the first cycle of BND stories. I give it a B+ for now. Also, this review was over 20 sentences ago, why you still reading, fool?

8 thoughts on “Review: The Amazing Spider-Man #555-557

  1. You know, they were never divorced, and I believe they were married in a Church, and I don’t think that some minor demon is legally and CERTAINLY not religiously capable of divorcing a couple.

    So, technically, Peter IS cheating on MJ.

  2. but it never actually happened!!! AHH!!!

    i know it’s a retcon, but that’s the shitty universe we have to work with. according to Spidey canon, MJ and Peter were never married. now, we can sit around crying into our Häagen-Dazs about it or we can get Petey laid… i mean, this is an easy choice!

  3. Ah, but let’s think about it like this – it has been confirmed in the MU that God exists. If Spidey and MJ were married in a church, then not even the marriage retroactively not happening could actually void the marriage.

    I personally don’t care, as…well, I don’t really read very much Spider-Man – I just think that it would be a hilarious plot point to come up in the series.

  4. Also, because it does actually kind of apply to the OMD/BND thing, has anyone here ever read Astro City: The Nearness of You? It’s perhaps the best single issue of comics I’ve ever read, and it deals with some of the OMD/BND things that have been going on.

  5. Pingback: Billy Z’s Top 10 Monthlies! « read/RANT!

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