JLA: the New Line-Up

So, this is the new Justice League, huh?

First reaction: I don’t love the art.  Mark Bagley’s DC work has been solid.  And I applaud any artist who can meet deadlines these days.  But I haven’t loved his work at DC and this image is no exception.  The characters always seem a little “off” to me.  And what’s up with the weird size discrepancies?

Honestly, I don’t much care who is on the JLA.  It’s all about execution to me.  I’d rather have a good book filled with 3rd stringers than a crap book starring the Big 7.  But, the line-up is more important to the JLA than it is to almost any other team in comics.  People have certain expectations of the JLA that they don’t have for the Titans for example.

With that in mind, I thought I’d run through the new line-up and share my thoughts.  In alphabetical order we have:

The Atom:Ray Palmer is the first of Robinson’s “pet characters” to make the list.  Ray’s been on the League plenty of times before.  Even when he wasn’t a member, he was one of the first reserves to get the call to action.  No doubt that he has a place on the team.  Unfortunately, Robinson has written him really poorly in “Cry for Justice”.  I really don’t want to see more of the same here.  Also, a part of me really wishes DC would have given Ryan Choi more of a chance.

Batman:Sure, Batman belongs on the League.  Okay, so this is not Bruce Wayne.  Doesn’t really matter.  Dick’s lead the JLA before (in the Obsidian Age storyline).  Being Batman means being in the JLA.  This one is a no-brainer.

Congorilla:If any new member is going to raise eyebrows, it’s Congo Bill.  When people heard he was going to be featured in “Cry for Justice”, they scratched their heads.  Most people took a wait-and-see attitude.  Robinson swears he’s going to make all of us love Congorilla.  I’m still waiting for that to happen.  Based on what I’ve seen so far, there’s no way I think he belongs on the Justice League.  But as Robinson’s pet character, he makes the cut.

Cyborg: Really?  Cyborg?  Okay.  I mean, if Steel isn’t available, sure.  I guess.  I’m not sure why Cyborg needs to make the step up from Titans to the League.  But I have no problem with it… except… well, more on that later.

Donna Troy: Hey, what do you know?  Another Titan.  I really don’t have a problem with Donna on the League.  I’m not sure why Wonder Woman is unavailable.  But I guess we’ll find out in due time.  The problem is that this line-up has 4 Titans on it (5 if you count Ray Palmer who was a Teen Titan in the 90s).  It just seems like over-kill.  It’s okay to have a Titan or two on the roster, but they shouldn’t be the dominant force.

Dr. Light:First of all, the name is most commonly associated with a villain.  One of the most hated villains in the DCU to be specific.  On the other hand, she’s got the power level to be on the League.  And as an Asian woman, she adds some diversity to a mostly white team.  I’ve never been a fan of the character, but I’ve got nothing against her.

Green Arrow: Much was made of Roy Harper taking on the name Red Arrow and taking Ollie’s place on the League.  So in a way it feels like a step backward to bring Ollie back this soon.  Then again, with so many Titans on the roster, something had to give.  There’s no doubt that Ollie belongs on the League.  But there may be a few reasons why he doesn’t belong on this League.

1. He’s married to Black Canary.  Black Canary led the last incarnation of the League and was fairly humiliated when Hal told the League why they sucked and stormed off.  Ollie should be standing by her side, not Hal’s.
2. When you have Ollie on the League, there are certain characters you want to see him interact with.  And almost none of them are here.  No Black Canary.  No Hawkman.  Just Hal Jordan.  And…
3. Robinson’s take on Hal and Ollie’s banter has been one of the most painful things about “Cry For Justice”.  I doubt he’s learned how to write either character any better.

Green Lantern:See point 3 under Green Arrow.  Also, Hal Jordan is dangerously close to being over-exposed in the DCU these days.  It would have been nice to see another GL featured here.  With Hal getting the main book, Kyle and Guy in GL Corps, I would really like to see John Stewart on the League.

The Guardian:Like Congorilla, the Guardian is anything but a household name.  In and of itself, that’s not a problem.  But this team is sorely lacking heavy hitters.  The only reason the Guardian is getting the nod is that Robinson likes him.  And I’ve enjoyed Robinson’s take on the character in Superman.  But Superman already stars Mon-el and the Guardian.  Did we really need to have both characters here too?

Mon-el:The Superman family’s pretty darn big.  I’d rather have Supergirl or Steel fill in for Superman while he’s off planet.  For story reasons, I understand why Supergirl wouldn’t make a good fit.  Kryptonians aren’t real popular these days.  And Steel may not be in fighting shape after the ass-whooping he got from Atlas a couple months ago.  So, I guess Mon-el makes the most sense.  But I really don’t care for that “S” they added to his costume.

Starfire:Another Titan.  I’m not sure I understand what Starfire is brining to the table.  Sure, she’s powerful.  But so are a lot of other characters who could have brought a little more of a “JLA” feel to the book.  On her own, I can see it.  But with all the other Titans floating around, will this book still feel like the JLA?

Which brings me to my next point.  What’s going to happen to Titans?  Surely these four characters’ aren’t all going to be pulling double duty on both teams.  Rumor has it Beast Boy is also leaving the Titans for Teen Titans.  So, it seems likely that book may be headed for cancellation.

 If Titans does get cancelled, it’s no big loss.  The book has stunk from day one.  (Honestly, Billy’s blasting of Titans 1 is the most read article on this blog of all times.  And not just because he included screenshots of all the naked pictures of Starfire!)  But I thought Wally West fans were being told they could read about their favorite character in Titans.  Now I have to wonder if Wally still has a home.

Which brings up another point: the team is lacking a Speedster.  With both Wally and Barry running around, it seems like at least one of them should be on the League.  With Barry getting the main book, it would have been nice to see Wally here – as long as he wasn’t one more Titan.

There’s a few other surprising omissions.  Vixen was confirmed as being on the team at one point.  Maybe she’ll show up later on.  Who knows?  also, after all the hub-bub around McDuffie not getting to pick his League, you have to wonder why DC was so quick to throw aside the members of that version of the team.  Zatanna, Firestorm, the recently returned Plastic Man… what happened to those guys?

There’s still some story left to tell.  And maybe it will all make more sense when we see how Cry for Justice leads into the main title.  I’ll be interested to see why Starman, Supergirl, Captain Marvel, etc didn’t make the cut.

I’m a huge fan of the Justice League.  It’s my favorite team in comics.  And I really want the book to be good.  This line-up could work, but it doesn’t really excite me.  My main reservation about the book is the creative team.

I like Robinson’s work on Superman.  But man-oh-man do I hate Cry for Justice.  There’s no reason to think his take on the main JLA book will be any better than his mini-series.  So, my expectations have been lowered to zero for that reason alone.

Couple Robinson with the capable but “off” artwork of Mark Bagley in the DCU and a line-up I just don’t care about and you’ve got a recipe for another lack luster Justice League.

This is one case where I would definitely like to be proven wrong.

read/RANT

Review: Blackest Night #2 *spoilers*

Last month, I was in the minority when I was bitterly disappointed by the first issue of Blackest Night.  Perhaps my expectations were too high.  The style of the book certainly isn’t suited to my tastes.  And the first issue included way too many recaps for my liking.  Going into this issue, my expectations were greatly lowered.

Issue 2 picks up where last issue left off.  Ray Palmer is still trying to make Carter Hall understand why he feels the need to visit the grave of his ex-wife.  Honestly, I didn’t buy most of what Ray was selling, but that doesn’t really matter. 

The point of the scene was that Black Lantern Hawkman invited Ray over to talk and Ray accepted his invitation.  The first two pages work in that “first scene of a horror movie” kind of way.  And for better or worse, this story is clearly taking on the tone of a horror story.

I’ll go ahead and get this out of the way now: I don’t care for the tone of Blackest Night.  While I don’t mind including elements of horror stories in super hero comics, I don’t like the way this story feels like a straight-up horror story that just happens to have super heroes as the main characters.  Most people seem to love this.  So, I’m in the minority here.  I’ll move on.

The story continues in Gotham City as Barbara Gordon accompanies her father as he lights the Batsignal.  They discuss what it was like when Batgirl “disappeared”.  The dialogue seems to me to be setting up the upcoming Batgirl book, but I have no idea how.  The conversation is cut short when Hal Jordan crashes into the Batsignal.

The next plot thread of the issue is introduced as Mera and Garth attempt to exhume Aquaman in order to move his remains to Atlantis.  Of course his tomb is empty.  Soon, Black Lantern Aquaman has ripped the hearts out of the Atlantean guards.

The story cuts back to Gotham City as Deadman tries to resist the call of the Black Lanterns.  He fails and is resurrected as a Black Lantern against his wishes.

One of the more interesting pages follows.  In a cemetery in Washington DC we see the familiar sight of Black Lantern rings seeking out hosts.  Hank Hall, the former Hawk is resurrected.  However, his brother Don Hall is not because he is “at peace”.  Like I said before… interesting…

The story returns to the fight between Aquaman and Mera and Garth.  Aquaman is aided by Black Lanterns Dolphin and Aquagirl.  The scene has lots of the “evil taunting” I didn’t care for in issue 1.  But I guess that comes with the territory. 

There was a pretty cool moment when Aquaman summons a bunch of dead sharks to eat the remaining soldiers of Atlantis.  I usually roll my eyes at this sort of thing.  But even I have admit that zombie sharks are pretty cool.  And it’s good to see Aquaman finally get a moment even if he is a zombie.

Back at Deadman’s grave, some members of the Shadowpact have assembled.  Their investigation into Brand’s resurrection is interrupted by the appearance of Black Lantern Pariah.  The interruption is then interrupted by Black Hand who personally recruits Crispus Allen to his Corps.

Meanwhile, Garth and Mera fight for their lives.  The fight doesn’t go well as Blackest Night claims yet another casualty.  The lone survivor escapes to fight another day.  I’m glad to see these characters finally being used.  I just wish it was under different circumstances.

The issue ends with the fight between Martian Manhunter and Barry and Hal that started in the last issue of Green Lantern.  The resolution of the fight isn’t especially original.  But I did enjoy the way Barry and Hal worked together as a team.  It’s honestly the first time I thought maybe it was worthwhile bringing Barry back.

Last month, I took a bit of a beating because I neglected to praise Ivan Reis.  I won’t repeat that mistake this month.  Reis’ art is always a treat and I shouldn’t take him for granted just because he’s consistant.  While I haven’t always enjoyed the tone of Blackest Night, at least it looks great.

On the whole, the issue is a vast improvement over the recap-heavy first issue.  While the story isn’t exactly suited to my tastes, at least the plot seems to be moving forward.  And even I have to admit that it is shaping up to be an interesting ride!

read/RANT

James Robinson’s Full Script for “JLA: Cry For Justice”

Warning: This is not for the easily offended.  That James Robinson is quite the perv.  Anyway, here’s the original script in it’s entirity:

(Scene: Gotham City – the city of corruption and carnival treats.)

Ollie: Damn, Hal!  You sure told those bitches off!

Hal: Fuck yeah!  I rule.

Ollie: I could sure go for a funnel cake right now.

Hal: Gotham City - Land of corruption and fried dough.  I have a confession to make.

Ollie: If it involves you getting Huntress and Lady Blackhawk drunk and taking advantage of them, I’m all ears.

Hal: You know I shagged them!

Ollie: I know.  All the boys at the Hall of Justice were talking about it.  Those Birds of Prey are easy once you get a few drinks in ‘em.  Even Metamorpho got freaky with the one in a wheelchair.

Hal: Mmmmm.  She’s a red head.  You know what they say about red heads…

Ollie: So, who was the best lay?

Hal: Let me think.  There have been so many.  You’d think it would be Power Girl.  But she just kind of lays there.

Ollie: The chesty ones always do.  And then they expect you to be all grateful cause they let you squeeze their boobs.

Hal: But what a rack, am I right?

Ollie: High five, bro!

Hal: I think the best had to be Big Barda.  Once you’ve gone New God, you can never go back.

Ollie: Holla!

Hal: And then there was Misfit.  Sure, she’s young.  But if there’s grass on the field!

Ollie: You old horndog!  Are there any Birds of Prey you haven’t fucked?

Hal: Hell to the no!  I’ve fucked ‘em all.  Sometimes two at a time.  One time the blonde in fishnets went down on me while Manhunter watched.  Let me tell you something, she was the freakiest one of all.

Ollie: The blonde in fishnets?!?

Hal: Yeah, what was her name?  It’s on the tip of my toungue…

Ollie: You mean Black Canary?!?

Hal: Yeah, that’s it!  That girl’s a screamer, let me tell you.

Ollie: You fucked my wife?!?

Hal: Shit, you married that bitch?

Ollie: I know!  What was I thinking?

Hal: Still bros?

Ollie: Forever and for always.

Hal: God, I hated Bruce Wayne.

Ollie: I know.  What a prick!

Hal: I’m glad he’s dead.  I mean, I respected him and all.

Ollie: Sure.  I hear he screwed Catwoman.

Hal: Catwoman’s no big deal.  You know they’re fake, right?

Ollie: Seriously?

Hal: How can you not know Catwoman’s boobs are fake?  Bruce bought her those so he wouldn’t feel like he was stuffing Robin.

(Scene: Two characters no one cares about are fighting on an island for no good reason.)

Congorilla: I hate you.

Starman: I’m totally going to kill you!

Congorilla: Not if I kill you first.

Starman: I’m tired.  Wanna take a nap?

Congorilla: Sounds lovely.  Let’s be friends.

Starman: But, our scene isn’t over.

Congorilla: I guess we could kill time talking about drinks. 

Starman: Odds are nobody’s reading our scene anyway.  Who the fuck are we and what are we doing on the Justice League?

(Scene: Back on the rooftop.)

Hal: Wah!  I’m cold.

Ollie: Hal, you have a power ring.  You fly in space.  How can your ass possibly be cold?

Hal: Oh, I forgot.

Ollie: I think someone’s on this rooftop with us.

Hal: Is it Jason Bard, Batman’s private detective?

(Wonder Woman steps from the shadows.)

Wonder Woman: Hello, boys.  I heard what you were saying earlier about some of my friends.  So I thought I’d drop in an see what all the fuss was about.

Hal: Hell yeah.  I always wanted to bag me an Amazon princess.

(Wonder Woman reaches for her lasso.)

Ollie: Ooooo.  Kinky.

(Wonder Woman wraps the lasso around Hal.)

Hal: Hey lady, I’m not into sausage parties!

Wonder Woman: Now that you are bound in my lasso, you will be compelled to tell the truth.

Hal: Oh shit!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sex with any of the women you were talking about?

Hal: N-n-n-n-no!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Ollie: Fight it, Hal!

Hal: (sobbing) N-n-n-never!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sexual relations with anyone?

Ollie: Don’t answer, Hal!

Hal: “Green Arrow” and I are lovers!  Black Canary is just a beard.  Ollie pays her to keep up appearances.  Every now and then, she lets him rescue her so he can look good.

Wonder Woman: I thought so.  I’ll see you at the next League briefing.

(Wonder Woman puts away her lasso and flies away.)

Hal: Are you mad, pretty bird?

Ollie: You know I can’t quit you, Hal.

(Scene: Ray Palmer feels sorry for himself at the Flash Museum.)

Jay Garrick: What the fuck am I doing in this book.  I’m so out of here?

(Jay runs off to appear in a far better title.)

Ray Palmer: The universe hates Ray Palmer.

Ryan Choi: Hey, Ray Palnmer.  I just dropped by to make sure everyone knows you’re still the Atom.  Not me.

Ray Palmer: You’re a hero, Ryan.  I’m just Ray Palmer.

Ryan Choi: Well, I’ve said all I’m allowed to say.  I’m leaving never to be seen in a comic again until Geoff Johns needs someone to kill off in a crossover.  Remember, Ray Palmer is the Atom now.

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer is sad.

(Freddy Freeman shpows up.)

Freddy: Hi, Ray Palmer.

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer knows you from a long-forgotten attempt to reboot the Teen Titans.  Ray Palmer explains continuity only to dismiss it as unimportant.

Freddy: You’re a hell of a guy, Ray Palmer.

Ray Palmer: Why does flying boy come to see Ray Palmer?

Freddy: Well, Ray Palmer, I just realized I’m in this freaking book.  So I figured I’d better show up eventually.  I beat Supergirl, didn’t I?

Ray Palmer: Ray Plamer wishes flying boy would not give away last page.

Ryan Choi: Look, Ray Palmer, if everyone is just going to go on calling you “Ray Palmer” do you think maybe I could keep the name, the Atom!

Freddy: Look behind you, Ryan.

Ryan: Oh good god it’s Geoff Johns!

(Geoff Johns rips Ryan Choi to pieces and makes a hat out of his bloody caracass,

Geoff Johns: Read Green Lantern!

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer miss rare ethnic character in comics already.

(Scene: Hal and Ollie are blocking traffic with a pile of knocked-out bad guys.)

Hal: I didn’t even break a sweat.

Ollie: That’s because we’re so awesome and they are so lame.

Hal: Kiss me, you fool!

(Ray Palmer and Freddy Freeman arrive.)

Ollie: What are you guys doing here?

Freddy: It’s almost the last page of the second issue.  Eventually, we have to be in the same place so we can all cry for justice or something.

Ollie: When you say “justice” I get moist.

Hal: You stay away.  He’s mine!

(The Javelin awakens and throws a javelin at the jealous lovers.)

(Close-up of Supergirl’s heaving bosom as the javelin shatters on her boobs.  Make sure you get a close-up of those teen boobs or I swear to god I will kill someone at DC!  I demand teenage boobies!)

Supergirl: Who throws a javelin?  Really!

Freddy: This must be the last page…

Supergirl (striking a pose) No, THIS is the last page.

(Make sure that on that last page we are looking up Supergirl’s skirt as much as possible.)

RANT: Justice League: Cry for Justice #2

I’m a Justice League fan.  My user ID over at the DC forums has been “JLAmember” since the early days of Grant Morrison’s run.  I’ve stuck with the League through some pretty awful times.  I even read that Claremont/Byrne story from a few years back!  (Those of you who read it understand what a sacrifice that was).

For a long while now, I’ve bemoaned the state of the regular Justice League title.  Brad Metzler got free reign on the book and turned it into his own personal playground.  He squeezed in everything he wanted to see changed in the DCU before dumping the book on Dwayne McDuffie.  By now, we all know how things played out from there.

When Cry for Justice was announced, I was jazzed.  The art looked great and I was excited to see what Robinson could do to revitalize the team.  Granted, the line-up was… quirky.  But I can live with any line-up if the stories are good.  And Robinson’s Superman run has only raised my expectations.

But then came that 6-page preview of Hal Jordan bitching.  I could not believe how bad it was.  Surely, this wasn’t the future of the League.  But it was no joke.  When Cry for Justice #1 hit the stands, the entire issue read like that 6-page preview.  I couldn’t even bring myself to write-up a review.

If you read the title of this article, it’s labeled as a “rant” and not a “review”.  That’s because once again I can’t find the inner fortitude to write up a proper review of this issue.  It’s better than the first issue simply because Hel Jordan doesn’t get on his high horse and lecture the Justice League for 6 pages.  But, that’s true of just about every Justice League comic book I’ve ever read (including that Claremont/Byrne vampire story from a few years back!)

What you get with this issue is another 20 or so pages of “the team coming together”.  Unfortunately, it’s filled with more of the laughably bad dialogue from last issue.  How do you even begin to review stuff like this:

Hal: Ah yes, Gotham.  The sweet smell of corruption and cotton candy.

Seriously, WTF?!?  Cotton Candy?  After decades of seeing Gotham City in comics, movies and TV, never once did I imagine it smelled like cotton candy.  Next panel:

Hal: I have a confession to make.

(Me: Oh boy!  Here we go again!)

Ollie: If it involves you, the Huntress, Lady Blackhawk and a bottle of grappa, Dinah already told me.  And all I have to say is “well played, sir.”

Seriously, WTF.  But they don’t stop there.

Ollie: Everybody heard about it — from Man-Bat to Metamorpho.  And Rex Mason was quite the lothario before he turned all weird looking.  So for him to be impressed took some doing.

Hal: I’d rather be known for the plans I flew.

Robinson manages to make Hal look like a bigger pig than Ollie in one panel.  Amazing!

Hal and Ollie go on to talk about Gotham for a few more pages.  Somehow, they manage not to bring up the smell of cotton candy.  But the weird dialogue continues.  Next, we get Starman and Congorilla battling to the death.  No explanation is given as to why, but both characters make their bloodlust known.

Then they get tired and stop fighting.  They both decide to put their battle to the death on hold for a few seconds while they catch their breath and talk about… cocktails.  A few pages later and Congorilla is quoting “Casablanca”.  Soon, the two are best buds and flying off to who knpws where.

Back on the rooftops of Gotham, Batman’s private detective Jason Bard shows up and points Hal and Ollie at a collection of bad guys who are working for Prometheus.  Hal and Ollie refer to each other as “Green Lantern” and “Green Arrow” in quotation marks.  Cute, huh?

Next up is Ray Palmer and Jay Garrick (what is he doing in this book anyway?).  They both say “Ray Palmer” a lot because Robinson seems to love it when people say “Ray Palmer.”  And Ray Palmer throws himself another pity party because the universe hates Ray Palmer.

Then Freddy Freeman shows up because he’s on the team and he hasn’t shown up yet.

Freddy Freeman and Ray Palmer actually discuss the breif time they were on the Teen Tians together.  Ray Palmer comments that it feels like that almost never happened.  That’s because DC has been ignoring any comic book from the 90s in which Superman didn’t die.

Back in Gotham, Hal and Ollie are literally standing on the bodies of the second-string villains they defeated and gloating about how easy it was.  Then Freddy Freeman and Ray Palmer show up.  Surprisingly, no one says “Ray Palmer” for two whole pages.  Instead, they say “Justice” a lot and Ollie confesses a man-crush for Freddy.

Then, the Javelin (who?) gets up and throws a spear (or javelin I suppose) just in time to poke Supergirl in the boob.  Supergirl knocks him out and poses for the final page because she is also on the team.

The story is over, but you still get several pages of text in which Robinson talks about Ray Palmer.  There’s also a two-page origin story just like the ones we got in the back of 52.

Please, don’t let this be the future of the Justice League!

read/RANT