Foilball’s Review Roundup #55 – A Secret Invasion in September

The New Avengers # 45 (****): The art plus explanations (can’t really say answers as I do not believe anyone was even asking these questions) makes this a solid read. Yes, “wasting” a page on the Queen vomiting in the toilet may have turned off some people, but I loved it. Vulnerability is always cool. I mean, this panel did wonders for Tony Stark.

The Mighty Avengers #18 (***): More Secret Warriors!!! I feel like I’ve read this story already, yeah? And the whole V for Vendetta/Alias/Every spy fiction fake torture sequence EV-VAR! thing was more than a lot a bit unnecessary in my not so humble opinion. Unlike the clone Reed Richards torture scene, I don’t think the scene in this book fooled anybody. Truth.

Avengers: The Initiative #17 (**): WOO! Wait, what am I so excited about? This was awful. The Queen doing her best “twirling moustache” routine at the end had me gagging on my own tongue, and then there’s that tossed in Star Wars reference… to one of the BAD ones? BLAH.

Black Panther #41 (*****): EPIC. And final. I’m glad we ended our relationship on a high note, T’challa. I would’ve been truly sad if your last arc had been balls. Although, I do wish the payoff for this arc had been that Storm was a Skrull the whole time. That may have saved the book for me.

Deadpool #2 (****1/2): Even better than the first issue, even with the predictable ending. BOOYA! Good Deadpool writing is back, baby!

Guardians of the Galaxy #5 (****1/2): GARSH! When did this comic get so good? Out of all the anti-Skrull plans, I think I like Drax’s the best: ‘Kill ‘em all.’ Perfection. OH, NOES! Cosmo… a Skrull agent? Say it ain’t so, dawg!

Iron Man: Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. #33 (***): ‘War Machine: Weapon of S.H.I.E.L.D.’? ALL IN, DUDERS! I even like the Transformers ending. DING. This first story was mediocre, but I’m looking forward to this new direction.

Ms. Marvel #31 (****1/2): Technically no longer tying in with Secret Invasion, instead dealing with the post-SI aftermath, the “Dark Reign”, whatever that is. Man, where has Reed been hiding this story? It was so good! Character building moments! Good times! No fight scenes! So, questions: Why does Carol want to kill Norman Osborn? Could he be responsible for this “Dark Reign”? Is it related to what’s happening over in Thunderbolts right now?

Nova # 17 (*): UGH, this was the opposite of awesome. DnA are really letting me down on this title. To be frank, it sucks. It’s boring. I’m bored. Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. is boring. Quasar is boring. Dick Ryder’s family life is boring. Darkhawk is boring. BORED FOREVER!!! The most interesting stuff in this issue deals with the Super Skrull fake betrayal, but that’s over by the first couple of pages and then the book quickly reverts back to its natural state: boringtowne.

She-Hulk #33 (****): What a difference the art makes. Same writer. Same shitty story. But somehow the fabulous art makes everything more interesting.

Secret Invasion: Inhumans #2 (****1/2): finally got my hands on this and I was not disappointed. Tom Raney rules.

Secret Invasion: The Amazing Spider-Man #2 (***): Better than the first issue? I don’t know. It was still UGH-inducing.

Secret Invasion: Thor #2 (**): UGH. This book is FAIL. Why even make this a mini? There were absolutely ZERO interesting plot turns before Thor shows up at the end. Just skip the two filler issues and make this a one-shot where Thor beats the shit out of a legion of Skrulls. DING.

Skrulls vs. Power Pack #3 (-): This books makes me cry.

Thunderbolts #124 (*****): …and THIS book makes me giggle like your little sister on weed. WHEEE!!!!

Foilball’s September Previews Order

100 BULLETS #97 (MR)	JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #21
ACTION COMICS #871	MIGHTY AVENGERS #20
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #576-578	MOON KNIGHT #24
AUTHORITY #4	MS MARVEL #33
AVENGERS INITIATIVE #19	NEW AVENGERS #47
AVENGERS INITIATIVE SPECIAL	NIGHTWING #150
AVENGERS INVADERS #6	NO HERO #3
BATMAN #682-683	NOVA #19
BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #13	PUNISHER #64 (MR)
BOYS #24 (MR)	PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #25
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER #20	ROBIN #180
CABLE #8	RUNAWAYS 3 #4
CAPTAIN AMERICA #44	SAVAGE DRAGON #142
CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI 13 #7	SECRET INVASION #8
DAREDEVIL #113	SECRET INVASION FRONT LINE #5
DEADPOOL #4	SECRET INVASION INHUMANS #4
DETECTIVE COMICS #850	SECRET INVASION X-MEN #4
DOKTOR SLEEPLESS #12	SECRET SIX #3
ETERNALS ANNUAL #1	SHE-HULK 2 #35
FABLES #78 (MR)	SKAAR SON OF HULK #5
FANTASTIC FOUR #563	STORMWATCH PHD #16
FINAL CRISIS #6	SUPERMAN #682
FINAL CRISIS REVELATIONS #4	SUPERMAN BATMAN #54
FOOLKILLER WHITE ANGELS #5	THOR #12
GHOST RIDER #29	THOR: MAN OF WAR
GRAVEL #8	THUNDERBOLTS #126
GREEN LANTERN #36	TWELVE #9
GREEN LANTERN CORPS #30	ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #128
GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #7	ULTIMATE X-MEN #98
HULK #8	ULTIMATUM #1-2
I KILL GIANTS #5	UNCANNY X-MEN #504
INCREDIBLE HERCULES #123	WALKING DEAD #57 (MR)
INVINCIBLE #58	WILDCATS #5
INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #7	WOLVERINE #69
IRON MAN DIRECTOR OF SHIELD #35	WOLVERINE ORIGINS #30
IRON MAN END	WONDER WOMAN #26
JACK OF FABLES #28 (MR)	X-FORCE #9
JSA KC SPECIAL MAGOG #1	X-MEN LEGACY #218
JSA KC SPECIAL SUPERMAN #1	YOUNG LIARS #9 (MR)
JSA KC SPECIAL THE KINGDOM #1

Well, the events are winding down… thank GOD. My wallet needs the break. Oh, but wait. Dark Avengers? Secret Warriors? DAMN YOU, MARVEL!!!

November Tidings: Let’s see then, what do we have to look forward to: final issue of Secret Invasion, second to last issue of Final Crisis, more Captain America, Batman RIP wrapping up, the Kingdom Come JSA story kicking into overdrive, my final-finally-super-done-with-it issues of both Punisher titles, Batman and the Outsiders and, maybe, Nightwing? Oh, and ULTIMATUM has arrived!!!

This is X-Men/Spider-Man #1 by Christos Gage & Mario Albert and it sounds awesome! I’ll be trade waiting, because I have an addiction, but that doesn’t mean you have to!

Review: Ultimates 3 #5

This, despite the awfulness of the last four issues, was a fairly decent comic. In fact, without actually going back to reread the last four issues, I will tentatively say that issue #5 of the Ultimates 3 “mayhaps” redeems this mini-series, if not Jeph Loeb’s entire comic book writing career.

Whoa. Did you read that right? FYI, I also liked Hulk #6.

Ultimates 3 pays off story threads originally setup by Millar way back in Ultimates 1, namely the Ultron subplot. I love me some Ultron, perhaps that’s why I’m satisfied with the way this story ended… I just kind of wish he’d gotten to the point of it all 2-3 issues sooner. But, it’s a mystery and this is how these things go. Confusion follows confusion followed by more confusion and then BOOM! Startling revelations! I’ve been watching a ton of Thin Man lately. I know things.

To his credit, Loeb doesn’t make us wait until the end for the recap-revelations, he feeds it to us within the first couple of pages:

• Ultron replaced the Ultimates body snatcher style with android duplicates!
• The Scarlet Witch’s murder was a crime of passion… gross.
• The butler did it! (serious lol’ing right there folks.)
• Captain America was the Black Panther THE WHOLE TIME! (Well, this isn’t really explained but I’m sure Loeb’ll get to it in the forthcoming Ultimate Captain America Annual.)
• Dr. Doom was behind it all?!? (Does this mean Doom is involved in Ultimatum? I may have to revise my Celestial theory.)
• Somehow, The Wasp stopped being Asian!!!

Plain and simple, this was a fantastically enjoyable read. We got answers and they were satisfying. To me, at least. Oh, there’s War Machine! And Quicksilver dies! That was sweet. And Hank redeems himself! Okay, sort of. Cap still hates him but apparently the Wasp is ready to get remarried to the schizophrenic wife-beater. Crazy broad…

…why is Janet always written this way? Why can’t she be a real person? This sexist “ditzy dame” garbage just doesn’t cut it anymore, Marvel writers. Maybe you guys could learn a thing or two from the guys over at DC who know how to write female leads. Strong women are WAY sexier than damsels. Anyway…

How does this story sync up with Ultimatum? I don’t know, but all of a sudden I’m excited about it! Also, does anyone else think that the planned/cancelled/rescheduled Ultimates 4 is actually Ultimatum in disguise? Or was this announced somewhere already? Am I behind the curve?

Just about the only thing that still bugs me about this version of the Ultimates (my problem with Janet doesn’t count since she’s written that way in ALL versions of the Avengers) is the characterization of Hawkeye. LAME. I understand the guy has a death wish. Fine. But Loeb has him acting more like a spoiled brat than a man on the edge. Make him desperate, but not too desperate. Cut the melodrama, dude. It’s unnecessary.

Oh, and the art looks better. But the coloring still sucks. DCBS sent me the “Ultron Variant”, which I have to say as a fan of all things Sci-Fi/Horror kicks the crap out of the regular cover. “Terminator” Cap is the complete filth, do you not agree?

Ultimates 3 was lame and stupid most of the time, and in no way lives up to the epics that preceded it, but it was also fun. It was the “ultimate” funnybook. I think that above all else (including pretentious pretendering) shouldn’t comics be fun?

Review: Brit #8

A change in “Review Policy”: Recently, I’ve fallen behind in my reviewing duties. This was mostly due to personal life conflicts, but I’m back now, and rededicated. That doesn’t mean you’ll see another Origin Stories or Planetary Series Review any time soon… but it does mean I’ve been thinking long and hard about my “review routine”. As many of you know, I receive most of my books 1-3 weeks after they release because I don’t buy them at my local shop, but online from Discount Comic Book Service. I do still buy a couple of books from my local shop each month, like Captain America, Final Crisis and Secret Invasion, for spoiler review purposes, but still, the majority of my sometime 100 issue a month habit comes in the form of bi-weekly UPS deliveries. After doing this for over six months, reviewing that many books has been damn overwhelming lately.

And so, a change is in order. I will no longer be focusing on books that have been previously reviewed on read/Rant! There’s just too damn much overlap, and the four other dudes we got on here do a damn fine job without me cluttering up the place. Seriously, how many reviews do you want to see discussing the merits of Green Lantern Corps? Instead of making a separate post about a particular previously reviewed title, I will try to confine my thoughts to their respective comment sections. I’ve enabled the “Latest Comments” feature of the blog, so it’ll be easier for readers to keep up with the latest convos and angry rants.

And hell, let’s be honest friends, quality is definitely better than quantity. The machine gun style of my Review Roundups is the lowest form of laziness.

And so, I will refocus my attention on reviewing or spotlighting books that have not been featured or featured very rarely. Like say, Brit. More on this soon, or if you can’t wait, skip past the next few paragraphs.

And so, will I still wrote those annoying Spoiler Reviews? Yes. I like those. Those are fun. They give me an excuse to go to the Shop every week. And I suppose you like them too, even though you often curse me for uploading scans and spoiling the awesomes.

And so, will the Review Roundups disappear then? Yes and no. Yes, they’ll disappear in the form that I’ve been presenting them, but they won’t be going away completely. The main thrust of this post is to explain that I’d like to write better reviews of the books I read (and like/love) and the biggest obstacle appears to be the mistaken, compulsive belief that I need to cover literally EVERYTHING I read. And that’s just dumb. It’s too much of a chore, it’s uninspiring, and the quality of my reviews suffer for it.

And so, what will become of the RR? How about a monthly RR that lists the “Books of the Month”? Or “Trades of the Month”? Or “Top Ten X”, as Bruce (Spencer) suggested. Or maybe a compilation post that links to/comments on other reviews in the blog? Will this not promote more comic book discussion? Perhaps. Why not?

And so, YES! I want to do more Series Reviews! Mandy is unreachable! I’m firing her. She’s fired.

And so, I want to do more RANT reviews. Those are fun.

And so, seriously, what about Origin Stories? It’s like this, at this point, the stories I’m talking about are so old, it’s almost no longer relevant. What I’d like to do is morph the column into something new but familiar. I’d like to do more columns like this. This. Or this. And this. But without all the Vs. attachments. Those were really fun to write; the dissection of classic stories, the poking of the fun, etc. Know what I mean? Of course, I’ll probably do a couple of Origin Stories about Marvel Evolution once that ships.

And so, to begin this new direction on the right foot, I present to you, my in depth and intellectually complex review of Brit #8. Enjoy.

It’s ideas like this that make me want to love this book, you know, if the main characters weren’t so gosh darn vacuous. Brown is a decent writer so I’m sure that if he struck out on his own, instead of caretaking a Kirkman invention, he’d come up with some really neat shit. Oh, well.

Should you be reading Brit? No. But if you’re looking for wacky Sci-Fi ideas and you can pretend the heroes are interesting, then it’s worth checking out every few months, you know, when the ashtray in your car is overflowing with pocket change.

Spoiler Review: Captain America #42

Usually, I post the Captain America reviews the day a new issue releases, sometimes literally hours after it hits on the West Coast. But yesterday, after I finished the final part of “The Death of Captain America” epic, I kind of didn’t feel like writing anything. I didn’t want to say anything too negative about it. To say I was disappointed with the ending doesn’t come close to describing my feelings on the matter. So, I thought it best to wait and let the events of #42 sink in before putting anything to paper. Now, it’s been almost a day, and I think enough time has passed that I can finally throw down an objective review of this book. Or, I can at least try really super extra hard.

Alright, so many extraordinary/awesome/hilarious/spectacular moments this issue!!! Let’s run ‘em down!!!

The book opens with… Bucky doing what Captain America should be doing. Great, great, and great.

More zany dialogue between Zola and Red Skull.

Is that my baby? (Seriously, what the hell is she talking about?)

Sharon Carter summons the strength of ten Amazons to break free!

You’re a genius, Zola!

BLAM. You’re dead, dude.

Um… Crazy Cap freaks out! Murders Nazi-Bot!

Bucky blocks an RPG with his… SHIELD?!? WHOA. If that doesn’t make you Captain America, I don’t know what will.

Bucky takes the media stage as Captain America. Finally.

I’ll take care of Sharon, Steve would have wanted it that way… this, to me, is the start of the Sam/Sharon love affair. I feel like Brubaker has been hinting at this for years. No, I’m not crazy. The clues are there, people!!!

Bucky and Natasha… happy endings!!!

This isn’t my America…

Red Skull stuck?

Okay first, to the matter of the Red Skull’s fate. Is he stuck in that body for good, or will Zola show up soon to help him out of it? Ambiguous much?!? Yes, but a little logic will see us through. I believe that the Red Skull is indeed stuck in that robot body for the foreseeable future, and here’s why: Arnim Zola is truly dead (as dead as one can be in comics). Wait, you say? Doesn’t Zola always do that thing where he can jump into another robot body? What stopped him from doing that this time? Well, a very simple thing. Time. He didn’t have the time to transfer bodies. The “Crazy” Captain America got the drop on him, so Zola didn’t have the time to initiate the transfer… as established in an earlier issue (#38), Zola needs to manually initiate his transfers. So, Zola being dead means that there is no one to transfer the Red Skull’s consciousness out of his robot placeholder. Hence, the Red Skull is screwed in the most literal sense of the word.

…but what about Zola appearing on all those monitors at the end, talking to the Skull? A recording, obviously.

Now, here’s what upset me about this otherwise exciting and awesome issue: The “Lost” Syndrome. Seriously, it’s been almost two years since Cap died and over two years since the Red Skull’s plan was put into place… where the #### are my answers? Where the #### is the ####ing resolution? What was he trying to do with that time machine? Seriously!?! What the ###??? The issue was totally still a fun and well written read, and of course the art was amazing, but #### man, give us some answers Brubaker!!! And another thing, if this issue hadn’t been billed as the ultimate chapter in the “Death of Captain America” saga, I don’t think I would be as upset as I am right now. The quality of this comic ranks up there with the best issue of this series, but it’s the hype that kills it.

I’ve resigned myself to the obvious fact that Steve Rogers likely won’t make his return for another 20-30 issues, or near the end of Brubaker’s run. That’s fine. I can deal with that. It’s the biggest payoff of the series and it’s only right that it comes near or at the end. But at this point, halfway through (supposedly), it’s time for Brubaker to start answering some of those questions he’s posed over the last 41 issues. It’s ####ing time, man. Give us something! Anything! Don’t “Lost” us. Tell me about the baby! Tell me what that damn time machine was supposed to do! Tell me what the Skull’s endgame was!!! Seriously, if you wait too much longer, your loyal readers will stop caring. Sure, that will never happen to me, because I’m crazy, but not everyone is like me. Not every Cap reader has a Captain America shrine in their room.

BLAH. I hate being a fanboy, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

All bitching aside, I’m glad this chapter of the story is over and although it wasn’t completely satisfying I’m very much looking forward to the further adventures of Bucky Barnes as Captain America. Something tells me Brubaker has only just scracthed “the surface of awesome.”

Foilball’s Review Roundup #54 – The Final Bits… of AWESOME!

Billy Batson and The Magic of Shazam! #2 (****1/2)

This is one of my favorite new books and I don’t care that I’m just about 20 years past the target demographic. This comic rocks. It’s better than 90% of the “adult” super heroes comics being published today and here’s why: 1) It’s super fun. 2) The art is Amazo-ing. I love the whole “unfinished sketch/storyboard/panels within panels thing Mike Kunkel has going on. It’s brilliant! 3) It’s fricking cheap! $2.25! Who cares if the paper isn’t glossy!?! It’s $2.25! 4) OH! And every issue has a section in the back that’s in code and you have to use “The Monster Society Code” to break it! FUN!!! 5) And for those interested in continuity, this book is a direct sequel to last year’s Shazam!: The Monster Society of Evil mini series by Jeff Smith. I loved that book, but I have to admit, Mike Kunkel’s Shazam is miles better. No lie. Apparently, Kunkel used to do a little book called Hero Bear that I’d heard of but never read and consequently missed the boat on. Totally feel like an idiot. So, if you like fun and great art, give this book a try. If you don’t like it, then you, sir, have no taste.

Fables #75 (****)

Ah, this really hit the spot. Finally. This is the type of Fables war story I’ve been waiting for. Huge epic battles combined with intimate character moments. It took him 75 issues, but Willingham finally forced me to care about Prince Charming! And the art was also superb. Mark Buckingham grinds out another fabulous issue. What an underrated talent that guy is, right? This isn’t the final issue of the series, but it could easily have been so. My only complaint is that I kind of wish Boy Blue and Bigby had died. Boy Blue’s charm has been running thin as of late and I’m sick and tired of the “all-powerful” Bigby wolf. Like, the guy isn’t God, or Jesus, or Moses even. Get over yourself, you hairy monster.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #1 (****)

Sometimes, and I may get blasted for this, but sometimes I can’t take George Perez pencils. They just… bother me. His layouts are busy and a lot of his faces start repeating. BLAH. What I’m trying to say is that this time I enjoyed his art. It was still uber-busy, of course, but somehow Geoff Johns expert dialoguing mitigated the groan factor. As far as this being a Final Crisis tie-in, I don’t know. How does this story fit exactly? Isn’t Superman zooming through the Multiverse at this point in the FC plot? And what does the Legion have to do with anything? This mini, unlike Revelations, feels like it could’ve been just as well served without the FC banner. Could I be missing the obvious link to FC? Maybe. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Green Lantern Corps #28 (***1/2)

I really want to love this issue, and this arc in general, but the art is just SOOOOO pedestrian. Boring. It feels like fill-in art on some crappy mid-90’s Marvel book. I really like this Sixth Sense character though. I bet Johns and Tomasi are gonna get a ton of mileage out of him once “Blackest Night” starts.

Spawn #182 (****)

Again, WHY? Why are they changing directions? YET! AGAIN! When the story has been so good lately! ARRGH! Admittedly, this issue was a bit of a dip in quality, mostly due to the extraneous amounts of exposition… but… it was still better than 90% of the first 100 issues. At what point do I finally cut my losses and break up with Spawn? Is it time? Yes, I think it is.

Foilball’s Review Roundup #53 – I Probably Read Too Much Marvel

The Amazing Spider-Man #570-571 (****): Menace is a good guy. Osborn is still a douche. Anti-Venom can take away powers. Mr. Negative has no idea he’s actually Mr. Negative. JRJR still knows how to draw the best Spidey comics anywhere. About the only glaring hole in this entire shebang occurs when Norman finds Parker’s webbed up digital camera. Like, the first thing that popped into my head when Norman made this discovery was “Hey, this is how Osborn figures out Spidey’s secret identity! It’s so obvious!” But, no. What is obvious to almost every single Amazing reader is not as obvious to the malignantly brilliant Osborn. C’mon Norman, grab a clue! Why would Spidey need to cut a deal with some random to sell his photos to the papers? Why couldn’t he just sell them straight up in his civilian identity and cut out the middle man? Norman Osborn, and by extension Dan Slott, equals FAIL.

Eternals #4 (**): Still expertly written, but the low star rating is my personal protest against COVERS THAT LIE! Iron Man does NOT fight Ikaris. Doesn’t happen, people. He just shows up and acts like a jerk. Wow. Big surprise. I expected more from the Knaufs… they did just finish one of the best runs on Iron Man ever, right? BLAH.

Foolkiller: White Angels #2 (***1/2): I liked it, but gosh I wish I’d waited for the trade.

Ghost Rider #26 (****): How does Jason Aaron do it? He brings back four of the lamest villains in comics (straight from the 90’s!) and manages to make me laugh from cover to cover. “I didn’t get to be called Death Ninja by being cautious.” RIGHT!?! It’s stuff like this that keeps me coming back. I want to break up with you so bad Ghost Rider, but Aaron is making it kind of impossible. Damn.

Ghost Rider Annual #2 (***): A nice, forgettable one-shot. I don’t think I’ll be getting these annuals anymore.

House of M: Civil War #1 (**): This blew. I was gonna wait for the trade, now I’m just gonna toss this and forget I read it.

The Invincible Iron Man #5 (****): Out of continuity Iron Man FTW!

Iron Man: Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. #32 (***1/2): And so, this series of Iron Man comes to a close. Sure we got another War Machine centric SI arc to slog through before the series officially ends, but the star of the show is gone so we might as well call it like we see it. Stuart Moore did an exceptional job filling in for the Knaufs in this final Iron Man tale about doomsday weapons and revenge. It was probably one issue too long, but I really enjoyed it.

Moon Knight #21 (***): Another book I wish I could break up with. I don’t even like this version of Moon Knight anymore, I’m just sticking around for the Thunderbolts. See, if the Thunderbolts’ book had more hero-hunting stories, then I wouldn’t need to read crappy books like Moon Knight to get my fix. UGH.

Ms. Marvel Annual #1 (****1/2): This was very, very, very surprising. Brian Reed can not only write Spider-Man, but write him well. So well in fact, that this felt more like a Spidey annual than a Ms. Marvel one. Ms. Marvel is barely in it and when she does speak it’s only in response to something funny that Spider-Man just said! He totally steals the show. True Believers! I hold this comic up as further evidence that Brian Reed’s Ms. Marvel is boring! BUT! Brian Reed is still a good writer! SO! We must make our voices heard! PLEASE! Marvel, cancel Ms. Marvel and put Reed on Amazing! MAKE IT SO!

The Punisher #61 (**): Oh, God. Reading this is like that feeling you get when you’re at a party and it’s way past midnight and the host/hostess totally wants you to leave, but you’re too much of an idiot or too wasted to pick up the signals and then it gets awkward until finally he/she asks you to leave and then you can no longer be friends because you know that they think you’re an asshole, and…

Punisher War Journal #23 (*): There so many things wrong with this issue that if I actually started to list them out, one-by-one, I’d go insane with rage and tear the damn thing up instead of tossing it in the donation pile. Soooooo… don’t ask.

Runaways #1 (***1/2): NEW READER FRIENDLY JUMPING ON POINT ALERT!!! This book is T-H-I-C-K. It takes a while to read because there’s just so much ####ing dialogue, which I think is fine. All the characters get stuff to talk about and say and no one gets left out. My only complaint is that although I still enjoy Ramos’ art, his latest style choices make the comic hard to read at times. He’s putting extra effort into the backgrounds and I think that’s at least part of the problem. It’s too confusing; too much stuff to focus on. The mall scenes are especially busy. Be that as it may, Terry Moore’s first issue was still miles better than Whedon’s. I’ll be sticking around for at least the first arc, then, I may switch to trade.

Skaar: Son of Hulk #3 (****): Why is this book so late? At least it’s really good, otherwise…

Ultimate Origins #4 (**): Too little, too late. Also, ULTIMATUM = CELESTIALS!

Ultimate X-Men #97 (***): I’ve been enjoying this arc, but this issue had too much emo.

Ultimate X-Men/Ultimate Fantastic Four Annual #1 (****): This was really fun! But, I can see why some people would hate it. The ideas are a bit tired…

Uncanny X-Men #501 (*): Seriously, Marvel? Rated “T+”? I gotta call bullshit here. Like, what’s with all the X-Men sex scenes? Yeah, yeah, w/e Frac-Baker… your story justifications don’t hold water when you got Greg Land, Super Perv, as one of your regular pencillers. Did Emma Frost really need to stroll around nude for three pages? How is that necessary to the plot? Or are we still trying too hard to be “cutting edge”? GARBAGE.

Wolverine #68 (****): Alright, I’ve bitched enough about this story. This issue? I liked it. I’m ready to be entertained now.

X-Factor: Layla Miller #1 (****1/2): Reading this was bittersweet. It reminded me of the old days, when X-Factor was fun. When XF was good. *sigh* If we could just skip past all the current XF sub-plots and get to the part where Layla Miller returns, that would be swell. Thanks, Peter!

X-Men: Legacy #215 (**): How many times are the X-Men writers going to subject us to this infinitely repeating scene? X-Man “X” is mad at Xavier. HO HO!! Stop the presses! Can’t wait to read that story! No. I can wait. I can wait forever.

X-Men: Manifest Destiny #1 (**1/2): BLAH. Nothing impressive here. The Boom-Boom story was amusing (that word is sooo condescending… LOVE IT!), but the Iceman/Mystique story seems to serve no purpose other than to once again illustrate how stupid Bobby Drake is and how much of an evil #### Mystique is. No thanks.

Foilball’s Review Roundup #52 - Even More Secret Invasion Reviews!

Deadpool #1 (****)

Deadpool #1 was fun and pretty at the same time. I’m not always 100% on board for Daniel Way but he seems to have a story to tell, and I like it so far, so I’m gonna let him tell it. Paco Medina kicked the crap out of the art in this issue, especially the Skrull characters. Cable & Deadpool was decent fun (hardly ever pretty fun), but Deadpool has always worked better as the star of his own book and Way is taking advantage of that trademark charisma with the introduction (or re-introduction?) of “Pool-o-Vision”. Also, kind of an unrelated question but, are we sick of the Skrulls yet?

Ms. Marvel #30 (***)

Ms. Marvel fights a Super Skrull this issue. Just like last issue. And the issue before that. Oh, but this time said Super Skrull is actually a product of HYDRA science. Oh, and then we’re treated to a SI-epilogue that’s just weird. Huh-wha?

Secret Invasion: Frontline #3 (****1/2)

Are people reading this? Because it’s awesome! Easily one of the best tie-ins. Brian Reed confuses me though, as a talent, I mean. Sometimes, like with this book, his writing is incredible, and then there’s Ms. Marvel which is so hit-or-miss lately. Ugh, BRIAN REED! Focus!

Secret Invasion: Runaways/Young Avengers #3 (****)

They swooped in, got their story told, and got out. Three cheers for three issue tie-in minis! And in three issues there was so much character development it was almost too much. Is Terry Moore going to address any of what happened here in his new Runaways ongoing? And what about Heinberg’s new Young Avengers series? WHEN IS THAT COMING OUT!?!

Secret Invasion: X-Men #2 (****)

I don’t want to beat a dead horse, so you won’t see me telling you how much better this is than Secret Invasion. It is, but I won’t say it.

Foilball’s Review Roundup #51 – Read A Ton of Good Books Lately?

(Be advised, the following “Feature Review” space reserved for fanboyish fanboying.)

Buffy The Vampire Slayer #18 (*)

This cover is absurd. That is all.

Detective Comics #848 (*****)

Paul Dini, you monster. You took out her heart? OMFG!!!

Secret Six #1 (*****)

OH! I missed you girls so much!

Quick Hits:
• 100 Bullets #95 (*****): Heh. Irony. How ironic? (I mean, what can I say? Besides me and like five other guys, who else is still reading this bloated self-indulgent masterpiece?)
• Anna Mercury #3 (***): This book feels like half a comic, or a web comic. For $3.99 it feels lazy.
• The Authority #2 (***): Relaunch! Even with DnA, I’m still a lot o’ bit bored. I like the whole “World’s End” idea, but some of these titles are just BLAH! Where’s my Nemesis ongoing?
• The Boys #18 (****): The thrilling conclusion to “I Tell You No Lie, G.I.”… thrilling really isn’t the word. The near-rape scene was disturbing and the park stuff was sweet… I don’t know, The Boys is complicated and so are my feelings about it… stop asking personal questions!
• Criminal #5 (****): Dude, she is totally playing you! And! I’m hoping she isn’t, because if she is, then Brubaker is getting a tiny bit predictable.
• Dreamwar #4 (***): This needed to be over already because I just don’t care anymore.
• Final Crisis: Revelations #2 (***): OH! Emotions! Upheavals! Duty! Revenge! Mercy! …cliché? There was just too much hand-holding and feeling-sharing. BLAH! Spectre needs to kill more bad guys. Soonish.
• Green Arrow and Black Canary #12 (*): IT’S OVER… my involvement!
• Green Lantern #34 (***1/2): Mind wipes, all around!
• I Kill Giants #2 (***): The art is interesting and the characters are… interesting, but I hope the hook for this series isn’t just “crazy girl makes friends”. Show me something, Joe Kelly, show me anything and I’ll love you forever.
• Invincible #52 (****1/2): Bruce is right, this book rocks! It’s been rocking for two issues now, and it better keep rocking or I’m gonna have to start bashing Kirkman again!
• Nightwing #148 (*): I’m no expert on bullet related injuries, but the logic in this issue just feels WRONG. Dick gets shot twice, loses two bodies worth of blood and within 24-hours is up and around like nothing happened?
• Savage Dragon #137 (*): Why do I still support this book? It’s sooooooo Terry-Bull.
• Wonder Woman #24 (****): Queen of Fables? BLAH. Dude, but those white gorillas are funny as ####! What a great addition to the supporting cast they’re turning out to be. Simone is a genius.
• Young Liars #7 (****1/2): Even with the fever dreams, not as crazy as usual. But yes, this “Amy Racecar” stuff is cool and I’m looking forward to more.

Foilball’s Review Roundup #50 – My Late Secret Invasion Reviews

The New Avengers #44 (****1/2): This was the much needed issue to explain how the Skrulls did what they did. But here’s the thing, I think it makes the Skrulls look too smart. Like, these guys got cloning down to a perfected science? Shapeshifters, genetic manipulators, interstellar space travel? Dude, how the hell can Earth win? They can’t. They really can’t. So now, after reading this issue, if Secret Invasion ends in any way that isn’t total victory for the Skrulls then it’ll just ring false to me.

The Mighty Avengers #17 (***1/2): This was an okay issue, but in no way a must-read. Hank Pym is hard to mimic… who cares? Unless… unless this means that the Skrull Pym over in the main title plans to betray his people. Interesting…

Avengers: The Initiative #16 (*****): OMG! This book was sweet! The Skrull Kill Krew was never this awesome! The art! The dialogue! This book was just too much fun! Can you guys imagine an event book written by Dan Slott? Poor Robert Kirkman, now I understand his bitterness. Marvel replaced him with Slott!

Black Panther #40 (*****): You know what this arc reminds me of? It reminds me of the very first arc of the series; the arc that made me love the Black Panther. It’s as if Aaron went back and read those first six issues, and nothing else, and then sat down and wrote this wonderful tie-in. It’s sad that it’s taken 30 odd issues to get the Panther title back to this level of good.

Captain Britain and MI13 #4 (*****): Finally got a copy… wow, this was good. Should I be watching Dr. Who? Also, I’m glad I read the Wisdom trade before picking up this series. Continuity is great when it works!

Guardians of the Galaxy #4 (*****): It took four issues, but they got me. I’m hooked. Something about the character dynamics this issue makes me feel like this is a book worth reading.

The Incredible Hercules #120 (*****): Herc rises to the occasion and beats up a god. Not much more to say than that. Also, it was brilliant!

Nova #16 (****): Indeed, this was one of the better issues of Nova, and I like how it tie-ins with Secret Invasion, but what bugs me is how horribly it seems to sync up with…

She-Hulk #32 (****): … so I guess Nova gets away then? As for She-Hulk, I’m still enjoying the new artist but as for the story, I’m kind of wishing this Skrull Pope guy would just go away. He’s annoying. And unnecessary.

Secret Invasion: The Amazing Spider-Man #1 (***): Meh, why did this even need to get published? And the title is total lies. It’s a story about Jackpot (jack-who?), not a story about Spider-Man. Waste.

Thunderbolts #123 (*****): Christos Gage, you are a master.

X-Factor #34 (*): Larry Stroman, you are not.

Spoiler Review: Secret Invasion #6

-Captain Marvel, what say you about Secret Invasion?

*Here’s the thing: Around two years ago, Marvel brought an amnesiac Captain Marvel back during Civil War. At the time, many fans speculated as to the “why”. Later, we learned that the reincarnated Marvel was in fact a Skrull agent, planted on Earth to prepare the way for his brethren. But, this Skrull had second thoughts and managed to subvert his programming. During Secret Invasion, Captain Marvel decided to attack Thunderbolts Mountain (an act whose motive still remains unclear (due in large part to editorial screw-ups, one would think)), but was somehow convinced by Norman Osborn to instead take out his frustration on the orbiting Skrull Armada, and in this issue’s opening pages we watch him die in the arms of a confused (he’s not the only one) Marvel Boy, thus meeting his final epic, yet tragic fate… or so Marvel would have you think. Now, question, was bringing Captain Marvel back into modern continuity just to have him die so unceremoniously in a neglected Secret Invasion subplot worth all the ####ing hassle? Methinks that mayhaps this Secret Invasion death was not the original plan for our old Kree friend. I’d love to ask someone at Marvel this question at the next convention I go to, maybe I should ask Brian Reed?
*Speaking of neglected subplots: Bendis wasted an entire issue of the Illuminati series on Marvel Boy, presumably to prepare us for his stunning return in the pages of Secret Invasion. Thus far, consider me un-stunned. Seriously? What’s with all the wasted character and story potential?

-Ah, hello there Mr. Black Panther! Secret Invasion has firmly been established within tie-in continuity!

-STATUS REPORT… for those, like me, that like keeping score.

*Your agenda appears flawed: I call BULLSHIT! Why isn’t nuking an assembly of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes on the blasted agenda?!? Step 1) Lure them to the Savage Land. Step 2) Distract them with doppelgangers. Step 3) BLOW THEM ALL TO HELL!

-WHA!?! You mean that growth serum Skrull-Pym gave the Wasp was actually some type of secret weapon of mass destruction?!? Interesting…

-It’s nice, but does it feel weird to anyone else that the Mighty and New Avengers can occupy the same space and NOT try to kill each other?

-Come on, guys. This isn’t really the time for super hero posturing.

*Obviously, I loved it: Yep, total fanboy moment and I’m not too proud to admit it.

-That’s a lot of Skrulls, yo!

-Oh, BURN! Point to Spider-Woman!

-SNAP! Nick Fury takes the lead!

-…we now join the epic final battle already in progress…

-GALACTUS SKRULL!!!

Gotta say, this issue really got the blood pumping there toward the end. Secret Invasion feels like one of those good old-fashioned beat ‘em up crossovers done in the Mighty Marvel Way, and it’s about damn time! Next issues promises… let me repeat, PROMISES to be 22 pages of FIGHT. That’s fine. We haven’t had one of those since issue two… and that one sucked. Expect to see Marvel Boy finally make an impact, The Hood launch into his master plan and a whole bunch of dead Skrulls… or maybe, not so much? Marvel recently announced the name of the banner that will be appearing on the cover of all the post-Secret Invasion books: “Dark Reign”. I mean, kind of sounds like the Skrulls win, don’t it?

*HEY! Where’s my Maria Hill action?!?

Foilball’s Review Roundup #49

Air #1 (-)

I can’t really review this book… I have no idea what happened!!! Somebody, anybody… please to explain!!!

The Amazing Spider-Man #568-569 (*****)

“New Ways To Be Awesome” is more like it! Dan Slott, what took you so long to land this gig? Your Spidey rocks! These first two parts did not disappoint, the Mark Waid Venom story in the back did, but that doesn’t detract in the least from the overall story. You could just not read it, or if you’re like me, immediately foget you did. DCBS was thoughtful enough to send me the variant covers for these issues, and usually I could care less, but I like this story so much if they don’t follow through on the variants for parts 3-6 I’m gonna be mighty sore!

Jack of Fables #25 (*****)

,

Yes, indeed, my good friend Prof Dresser… the funny is back! Although, I don’t think I buy Robin Page falling for Jack. It’s funny, but seems way out of left field, even with the labored 5-page explanation. However, I do like Priscilla Page finally growing her metaphorical balls. That was cool. The Book Burner? Kind of “meh” on that guy. But still, Jack’s final word balloon of the issue totally made up for it. Heh.

Superman/Batman #51 (****)

I just really loved the art. I loved the 5th dimensional impiness of the Lil’ Leaguers. This is another one of those books that works so well (now that Green and Johnson have taken over) BECAUSE it’s out of continuity… for the most part. It may not have the prestige of Action Comics, but it makes up for it with “Super Funtime Stories”. Isn’t that what comics should be?Yes, I think so.

Quick Hits:
• Action Comics #868 (*****): Another solid issue in the Gary Frank run. Brainic is frightening and cool. Finally.
• Daredevil #110 (*****): It’s hard to believe how mediocre this book used to be. Will the quality change survive Rucka’s departure? Never can tell.
• DC Universe: Last Will and Testament #1 (*): A complete and utter waste of time. I wouldn’t have minded it if the story was even remotely cool or interesting. It wasn’t, so I did mind its terribleness. I minded it very much.
• Doktor Sleepless #8 (****): The quality of this story has steadily been on the rise. My favorite scene in this issue was when DS basically told his ex-gf that he was, in point of fact, not sane. I kept waiting for some hint that the good Doktor was still just playing the part of “Cartoon Mad Scientist”, but no such hints were forthcoming. Great choice, Ellis. I’m finally on board for the duration.
• Final Crisis: Rogue’s Revenge #2 (*****): WOW. Best. Comic villains take note, this is how you villain it up, dudes. I love this mini, but I’m glad it’s only three issues. Thanks, Johns.
• Gravel #4 (****1/2): Gravel continues to be the best title Ellis is writing and at the same time not writing.
• Justice League of America #24 (*): As of a month from now, this title is dropped. DO. NOT. CARE.
• Justice Society of America #18 (****): This, on the other hand, could not be better. KUDOS.
• Robin #177 (***): I like the writing, but color me confused? RIP is still running, isn’t it? Red Robin isn’t Tim or Jason? Methinks lame.
• Superman #679 (***): The less “super” of the two Superman books. James Robinson, why do you suck? Is it a style choice? I just can’t get into this book, it feels like it’s trying to hard. The Lois/Clark conversation/pseudo spat and the “…avenger me!” line were ludicrous. Although, I did really like the final page, and I’m not even a dog-lover!
• Ultimate Spider-Man #125 (***): Bendis continues with this tale I could give two tugs of a… right, I didn’t play the game, but still, that doesn’t mean the comic has to be boring. Am I right?!?
• X-Force #6 (****): Everything we expected to happen happened… and then something unexpected happened to boot. Um, Rhane EATING her dad? There’s no way anyone expected that. If you disagree with me, you are made of lies.

NEWSARAMA Interview: Grant Morrison on Final Crisis #3

The Multiversal structure of parallel worlds is collapsing. Darkseid’s fall has broken the Multiverse basically and he’s pulling everything that exists down with him into Hell, the swine!

The full interview can be found here.

Review/RANT: Hulk #5

Sooooo, Hulk #5… let me first point out that when I’m wrong, I’m more than man enough to admit it, but this is not one of those times. The current Hulk series is still incredibly entertaining and magnificently drawn. These opening panels were cheesy fun, and fit well with the established tone of the series. I also loved the panel where Hulk kicks the helmet off Thor’s head. All said, the series has been great stuff so far.

The following RANT will have nothing to do with story direction or tone, and will not contain complaints about Jeph Loeb’s quote unquote talent. What I want to discuss is simple: LOGIC.

EXHIBIT A:

Does the idea introduced here by Mr. Loeb make sense to anyone? How about this one?

EXHIBIT B:

Pulling and Zero gravity? Do we buy this? C’mon! WHAT THE ####, MAN!?! This is some of the most asinine stuff I’ve ever read. Everybody knows how Thor’s hammer works, and BROTHER, it does not work like that! Pulling something, for all intents, is the same as picking it up. And the space thing? NO ####ING WAY. It’s a magic hammer, Loeb, it doesn’t follow the laws of physics!!! If the enchantment says that “none but those that are worthy may lift this hammer”, than that’s exactly what it means. No pulling! No Zero-G! And definitely no swinging it over your head and propelling yourself through space!!!

I can understand Loeb trying to be clever. That’s fine. It shows initiative. It shows that despite popular opinion, Loeb actually cares enough about this book to get creative. I like where his head’s at. But, #### dude, this was a dumb shit of an idea. Where was the editor on this one?

I lied, I do have a nit to pick (obviously, I don’t consider logic to be a nitpick). It’s dialogue related:

Thor refers to his hammer as “My Mjolnir”, and the problem with that is that Thor would never use the possessive. He would just say “Mjolnir” because there’s only one! It’s not a collectable with an edition size! They made one, and it belongs to Thor. The corrected word balloon should read: “What kind of beast are you that you do not fall before Mjolnir.”

Again, besides all that, I’m still loving this book. “Suck it”, haters!

Foilball’s Review Roundup #48

100 Bullets #94 (****)

It’s so difficult to review a comic that’s part 94 of 100, so I’m not even going to try. The reason I’m spotlighting this baby is simple: Lono vs. Dizzy… FIGHT!!! This is like, 70 issues in the making and we don’t even get to see who wins??? You’re killing me! My money’s on Dizzy. She’s too hot to lose! Too cold to hold!

The Boys #21 (*****)

This could be the best issue in the series and The Boys aren’t even in it. We finally get the scoop about this world’s 9/11 and SHIT, it’s a doozy, folks. So, the Legend reveals that the Seven are a bunch of super cluster####s who in the process of saving the day killed a whole bunch of people on a plane. And then, out government covered it up. Oh, also, someone close to Butcher was killed in the tragedy. Man, no wonder he hates these bastards. The thing I like so much about this series, despite the heavy-handed political messaging, is how honest Ennis is with his characters, and by extension, his readers. Ennis’ super folk are just like us. The things they do to the normal people in this book are the type of things normal people would do if they were suddenly granted super powers. These guys are human first, heroes second. This makes them not just noble, but petty, cruel and most importantly, weak. I don’t read this as Ennis’ disdain for the human race as a whole, but only for that corrupt minority that makes like miserable for the reasonably good-natured majority. So, in conclusion: I love this book. I love it because it plays fair. It’s the type of comic I wish I could write, but I’m glad someone more talented than me is actually pulling it off.

Criminal #4 (*****)

New story! So there’s this dude, used to be a counterfeiter, among other things, and then one day he gets caught up with this sultry little number, who steals his entire pathetic little stash, but that’s okay, because at least it was fun, but she ain’t through with him yet, because, out of the blue, after a few weeks, her boyfriend shows up to kick his teeth in, only, not really, the dude overreacts which kind of forces this pissed off boyfriend thug type to beat on him, into unconsciousness, and when he wakes, brother, the girl is back and she’s been telling tales, because thug boyfriend wants this dude to hook a hiim up with some fake FBI badges… oh snap, just another Criminal tale!

The Walking Dead #51 (****1/2)

No, that rating ain’t no mistake. Issue #51 was solid from start to finish. Kirkman really surprised me with this one. The phone thing caught me completely off guard. I was expecting it to be the missing prison people, but no, I was totally bamboozled. And then the end, that little bit where Rick goes back for the phone? That was heartbreak. I wanted to cry, but then I remembered that I’m a dude, and dudes don’t cry. So instead, I gave a little grunt and a sigh.

Young Liars #6 (*****)

HOLY SHIT, SADIE KILLS A ROOM FULL OF BAD GUYS AND THEN DANNY TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF?!!? How does this book keep topping itself? I was worried there for a minute, since before we hit those last few pages, the story seemed to be winding down. And then… bam-bam-bam-bam! EXPLOSION OF AWESOME!!! To save money, I should definitely switch over to trades, but I love the idea that each of these issues is like a single off a record. Owning the floppies feels mandatory.

Quick Hits:
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer #17 (***): Uh, who are all these characters? I’M SO LOST!!! I shouldn’t have to read or reread the Fray series, Joss! Introduce your fracking characters! Oh, and O-B-V the dark and mysterious chick is Willow… DUH!!! This surprises no one, Mr. Whedon. BE BETTER, damn it.
• Eternals #3 (***1/2): The story takes a slight dip as we slow down to get a dose of Celestials back-story, but most of it is interesting so I’ll give them a pass. Plus, I’m not stupid enough to think it’s unnecessary. Stuff’s gonna git ‘uge, fellars! We gots to be prepare’d with the learnings and the bed timey stories.
• Green Lantern Cops #27 (***): Why does the art feel so dated? I like Luke Ross. Why does this suck? The story was fine. Boring, but fine. And then we get eyeball rain. WOOO!
• Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas #2 (**): Late books! Not gonna lie, this comic stinks.
• Jack of Fables #24 (**): This will probably be remembered as the worst issue of Jack in the entire run. It was boring, I was bored. The climax was the epitome of anti-climax. About the only thing I did like was the part where the kid gets his fingers bitten off. Other than that, it felt like the story went one issue too long, as if Bill and Matthew were as bored with it as I was. Still, good art, a nice Bolland cover and a page of Babe at the end, so I can’t complain too much.
• Spawn #181 (***): This was just weird, or oddly paced. The story definitely feels rushed here. Oh, I wonder why. McFarlane is returning to the book. Yay.
• The Twelve #7 (****): Yes! Phantom Reporter guy might actually do something about all the evil shit going down! Good for you, dude. Took you long enough. Also, the parallels JMS draws between Captain America and Captain Wonder where very cool, especially the stuff pertaining to their respective sidekicks… although, I doubt Bucky would off himself if faced with the same situation as Tim. Bucky’s too cool to commit suicide.
• Wonder Woman #23 (**1/2): Maybe this issue redeems this arc, maybe it doesn’t. Honestly? I could give a shit at this juncture. Bring on the next arc!

NOTE: The scanner works! Scans will return next week! Rejoice!

Foilball’s Review Roundup #47 – A Thick Batch O’Marvel!

The Amazing Spider-Man #567 (***1/2)

I’m probably giving this book a higher rating than it deserves, since it did something I liked, but I’m pretty sure it was unintentional. You see, in order to explain away why it was that Peter’s friend Vin was mistaken for Spider-Man by the new Kraven, Peter (as Spidey) tells him, “To protect my identity, I’ve pegged some people as, well, decoys. Y’know, in case anybody gets too close to figuring out who I really am, I put them on the trail of, well… somebody else.” Now, this is a lie. Obviously, Peter Parker would never do something this foul or selfish. I mean, hell, this is the type of thing to get innocent people hurt or worse, horribly tortured and murdered by some super villain. I assume most fans hated this and called shenanigans. I would too, if I didn’t like how douchey it makes Peter. I like a little dark side with my web-slinging. Ah, but, this was probably one of those ill-conceived ideas… so, I guess maybe this really is just bad writing? Regardless, the rest of the issue was fun and resolved satisfactorily, and the art continues to impress.

Cable #6 (****)

This was definitely the best issue of Cable yet, and Cable was barely in the damn thing. Swierczynski tackles a bunch of continuity issues and manages to make it less of the mess that it is. For instance: do the X-Men kill now? Does Emma know about X-Force? If not, how can she not, she reads minds, y/y? Is Forge still pissed about what happened to his lab? Is sex the only true remedy to insomnia? And, my favorite, just how shark jumpingly smart is Beast? We spend the entire issue in Cyclops’ head, one of the most boring X-heads of all-time, and yet… by the end I was sad to get kicked out. If only Swierczynski could bring this type of depth to the titular character.

Halo: Uprising #3 (***1/2)

OMG, there’s an actual story here? Thought that needed to be pointed out. I like it. I don’t like Halo, but I like this. I like the Bendis/Maleev team. Anyone else reading this? Is the brother of the main character civilian dude, is he Master Chief?

King-Size Spider-Man #1 (*****)

What a surprisingly fun book! Unlike Spider-Man Family (SEE below), every story in this collection was neat and entertaining. I especially liked the very first page, the one with the warning—that I would show you but, SCANNER NO WORK!!! All the stories were exactly what out-of-continuity stories should be. Namely, fun. OH! And then there’s a preview of the new Mini Marvels Digest in the back and I liked it so much I pre-ordered it on Amazon. YAY!

Punisher: War Journal #22 (**)

More action packed—well, cooler action at least—than last ish, but it’s still shit. Like, it’s just bullshit. The content is crap. Reading this, after reading Ennis’ final issue (or any Ennis Punisher comic) where you see that the writer has a grasp on the character and his motivations, and a delicate handling that no other writer will ever match, and then you read the Fraction/Remender penned GW Bridge speech and it makes you want to vomit. Amazing Spider-Man Family style vomit. I’m losing words. Words are fail work describing hate this the Punisher. UGH.

Quick Hits:
• The Amazing Spider-Man Family #1 (**): Vomit. Which, of the many forgettable stories did I like… oh, the reprint of issue 300 was awesome!
• Astonishing X-Men #26 (**1/2): Still bad, but not terrible. In terms of quality, this is the exact opposite of his run on Thunderbolts.
• Avengers/Invaders #4 (****): This issue was tons of good with limited engagements of suck, the suckiest being the panel where Cap winks at Bucky. That was just creepy. Like child molester creepy. CHILLS! Down my spine!
• The Last Defenders #6 (***1/2): I don’t think this book ever reached its full potential, and I’m confident it is a story that could have been told in three less issues. Will I pick up a monthly Defenders book by Joe Casey based on the strength of this mini? Probably not.
• Fantastic Four #559 (***1/2): More of the same, but it definitely feels like a midpoint. So, that’s cool. Like everyone else, I found the two-page splash exciting… and that was about it.
• The Invincible Iron Man #4 (****): Tony Stark does not beat Mr. Fantastic at chess. No. Wrong. Fail. Other than that, another solid read. I especially love Fraction’s take on Pepper Potts. She’s becoming a very strong female lead under his guidance, but Mr. Fraction, please, please, PLEASE do NOT make her a superhero. Please?
• The Punisher #60 (*****): The perfect end to a perfect run. Gosh, I hope Marvel puts out that last Punisher MAX hardcover (volume 5). I don’t want to start all over again with the stupid omnibuses. Don’t screw me, Marvel!
• Ultimate Origins #3 (**1/2): Know what? Whatever. I don’t even care anymore. This is a story that needed to be told three years ago. Whatever. Like, is Ultimatum just some Celestial story? Maybe that would be cool, if we didn’t already have an Eternals ongoing over in the 616. Whatever!

Spoiler Review: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #1

The art was perfection (really wish i could have scanned this baby). Okay, I’m not quite sure how else to review this book, so I’ll just make a list.

Things I know or think I know after reading Final Crisis: Superman Beyond:

• Sometime next issue, Superman dons “Cosmic Armor” and fights what I can only assume is the “Echo of Midnight”.
• Zillo Vallo, the female Monitor that recruits Superman invented the “Chrono Paralyzer” that is keeping Lois Lane alive.
• “Ultramenstruum” is the proper name for the “Bleed”.
• The Bleed is the arteries between the universes… could this be why the skies always turn red during a Crisis, because the Multiverse is bleeding?
• The Bleed “medicine” promised to Superman has the power to heal or annihilate.
• Superman’s comrades consist of alternate versions of himself: The Nazi Overman from Earth 10 (he’s looking for his cousin, the Nazi Supergirl from Final Crisis #3), Ultraman from the Anti-Matter Universe, Captain Marvel from Earth-5, and the “Quantum Superman” from Earth-4 (this is obviously a reference to Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen).
• The Carrier the Supermen are piloting through the Bleed looks like a Yellow Submarine.
• The Carrier from Authority appears prominently, with no reference made to it, in one of the “Multiverse” panels.
• Earth-51 is referred to as the “Graveyard Universe” where no life exists. Did this happen in Countdown?
• Zillo Vallo tells Overman that she needs blood to survive, and at first, he gives his blood freely. Later, when this is revealed to Superman, it appears that Zillo Vallo has drained Overman dry. She’s some kind of vampire, what does this mean? How does this tie into the Bleed?
• Apparently, if you come into contact with a version of yourself from another world, you both spontaneously explode. Where was this established in the DC Universe?
• We aren’t supposed to remember any of the characters in Limbo because that is the nature of Limbo. Interesting…
• Anyone speak German? What the hell is Overman saying on Page 20, Panel 2?
• Grant Morrison reveals to Superman the nature of his existence… which I doubt he can understand at this point… and that nature is this: Story continuity is the fatal flaw of creation. Um, wow. Shit just got weird… will Final Crisis end with Superman shaking hands with Grant Morrison? meeting Shuster and Siegel?
• …are we the “Conscious Living Void”described by The Book, or the descendants of that Void? Does that make us “The Monitors”?
• The “Superman” idea, the archetypal superhero, is a contagion that spreads throughout the Multiverse, infecting everything with the concept of “story” and “hero”.
• Upon seeing the concept of Superman, one of the Monitors says, “It can only be a weapon. A doomsday machine engineered by genius to defend us against some ultimate enemy.” What I think he’s talking about here, is the idea that stories serve as the instruction manuals for a civilization. Stories help society understand itself and its place in creation, and stories also act as a defense against oblivion.
• While trapped in Limbo, Billy Batson forgets his magic word. Perhaps it’s already too late; perhaps they’ve stayed too long.
• The Mandrakk is the Ultimate Evil, it controls the Evil in all its forms throughout the Multiverse, even Darkseid.
• At the end of the issue, Ultraman, holding the book that “contains every book possible”, declares, “Evil wins in the end!”

Whoa…

There’s so much more going on here, but my brain is too small and exhausted to handle it all tonight. I look forward to anyone else’s comments on the subject of Superman Beyond, I’m anxious to figure out this little mystery since, more than any of the other tie-ins, the outcome of this mini will surely play a pivotal role in the outcome of Final Crisis.