5 Stars: WARNING: Vandal Savage Badass
4 Stars: Gog Badass
3 Stars: Degaton Badass
2 Stars: Captain Nazi Badass
1 Star: Gentleman Ghost Badass
Brit #5 (***1/2)
This issue actually had me thinking twice about canceling my subscription. All of a sudden, it inexplicably became more interesting. Not better, just goofier, but for a comic with a goofy tone that’s obviously a good thing. Was that the problem, the first four issues weren’t goofy enough? Maybe that’s all it was, and knowing that, I think I’ll cut this Bruce Brown guy some slack. Anyway, I like Cliff Rathburn’s art so whatever. Okay, so what happened this issue: Dr. Doom showed up and made some threats. Later, Britney (the female Brit (such a stupid idea, btw)) gets her ass kicked by some blatantly derivative “Merc with a Mouth” rip-off. Sure, it was stupid banter, but you know you laughed, and if you didn’t you’re just lying to yourself. Please, stop the lies. Next up, Britney wrestles with Japanese porn. I’m not sure in what context we’re supposed to take rip-off Deadpool’s “saved by an unwholesome cephalopod” line. Is it a reference to the tentacle prons as I suspect, or is he merely insinuating that the tentacle is unwholesome on account of its murderous tendencies? Who cares. THEN! Brit blows the mother of all snot bubbles out his nose. GROSSSSSSSSS. Oh, and some random hand eye coordination. Get it? GET IT!!! And then giant spiders out of no where! WTF indeed. Seriously, if every issue is this randomly goofy, count me in forever. Word.
Justice Society of America #14 (*****)
This is good comics. Good, solid comics boys and girls. How the hell does Johns do it? HOW?!? And this two page spread, how does he keep all these characters straight? And he adds like 2-3 new members each issue… NO JOKES! Anyway, the story is pretty straight forward this month. The JSA are having a meeting about this new god-type dude by the name of Gog. Long time DC fans with recognize the name from the Mark Waid/Alex Ross Kingdom Come Elseworlds tale. You know, the story this older Superman that joined the JSA is from. So they’re talking and shit and then BOOM. Gog shows up with Sand in tow. Is Sand dead? He takes on everyone from that two page spread and whoops all their asses. Well, not every ass. The issue ends with this BIG old splash page teaser.
The Twelve #4 (****)
It wasn’t Rising Stars. It wasn’t. That thing, in my eyes, was almost a complete failure. No, this book right here, this is JMS’s “Watchmen.” And dare I also say, Chris Weston, though he may be of the Dave Gibbons school, is the superior artist? Yes, I DARE! Now, of course I’m not implying this book is anywhere near as profound or groundbreaking as Alan Moore’s magnum opus, I’m just saying they’re very similar is all. As for the story, what we’ve got so far is a neat little murder mystery. It’s too early to say for sure, and getting into the minutia of the plot would take more time than I’m willing to spend now, but I do want to give you sideliners a taste of what you’ve been missing… because that’s what I do. In these next few pages, the purple panted Phantom Reporter guy is trying to bed the Black Widow spider chick… why would you try to sleep who fashions her costumes after one of the deadliest spiders on earth, I’ll never know. Here we go: The Wind-Up… DENIED!!! The look on her face right before she leaves can only echo EPIC FAIL.
Young Liars #2 (****)
I’m so glad this book came along. I was wondering what was going to take the place of Y (ended) and 100 Bullets (ending soon), and now I wonder no more. Since the story is still getting off the ground, there’s not much to say: The entire second issue was set to song lyrics, Danny is more likable in this flashback story than he was in the first issue and Sadie is more hateable, and damn, Sadie’s family is crazy!
Damn, her family I crazy
• Criminal #2 (****): Another great stand alone from Brubaker and Phillips, which is completely “alone”, as its plots weaves its way through sections of the first issue. Kind of like how Frank Miller, when he was still awesome, used to weave his Sin City yarns. Love this book.
• Dead of Night #3 (*): Just bad.
• Doktor Sleepless #6 (***): Ellis finally gets to the point. The first question that popped into my head: “Was it worth the wait?” Sadly, the answer is no. I just expected more from Ellis, something more earth shattering than secret bunkers and stolen futures. I guess it’s because my own research has been leading me in similar directions. I guess I was expecting Ellis to be three steps ahead of us. I wanted answers not the same questions I’m already asking myself. Hell, I would have settled for different questions.
• Fantastic Four #556 (**): Part 3 was barely readable. Why? Too much with the fucking snow effects! I couldn’t see what was going on. Also, Millar is trying to damn hard. Relax dude, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
• Ghost Rider #22 (*): As good as the first issue was, I can’t believe how quickly this thing went downhill. It’s just so unreadable. It’s so stupid. Like, all of a sudden there’s an “Angel Stink” on Ghost Rider? Why haven’t the demons smelled this bullshit before now? Don’t call attention to your retcon, idiots!
• G.I. Joe #10 (****): Shame it took them almost 8 years to get it right and now that it is, it’s almost over.
• Green Arrow/Black Canary # 7 (*): Another book I want to drop. I love Black Canary… I wish Dixon or Simone were writing this book. I hate you Judd Winick.
• The Last Defenders #2 (****): This book is really fun! How is Joe Casey so much fun again all of a sudden? Should I be reading Godland? His Youngblood blows, should I trust him?
• Moon Knight #17 (*): Man did I love this comic when it first came out. It was so good! It was how I’ve always wanted to see the Batman archetype. Now… garbage. I think I’m dropping all the one star books.
• Nightwing #143 (***): I know Tomasi loves his history, but I think this book reads better without all that extraneous exposition. The best part of this one was watching the brotherly give and take between Dick and Tim. The one annoyance: Why is it that Tim can handle his business in his own book, but as soon as he jumps into somebody else’s he turns into the damsel in distress?
• Powers Annual #1 (***): NEW FORMAT!! MORE PAGES!! Yet, it still read too quickly for my $4.95. Stop phoning it in, Bendis. This used to be your best book.
• The Programme #10 (-): I’m done.
• The Punisher #56 (*****): Ennis’ final act continues… OH shit, Punisher is so smart! But… so are his enemies this time. When #60 comes out, I may cry.
• Punisher War Journal #18 (**): I’m done with this version of Punisher and I think I may be done with solo Fraction books. Maybe Ennis spoiled me? But it’s also just as likely that Matt Fraction’s run out of good ideas for this character.
• Superman #675 (*): As anniversary books go, this was boring and completely forgettable. Goodbye, Busiek. You will not be missed… but I’ll see you over on Trinity!
• The Trials of Shazam #12 (*****): YAY, it’s over! And it was awesome! Best part: Captain Marvel’s name isn’t Captain Marvel anymore… it’s Shazam. YAY!
• War is Hell #2 (**): I still don’t know about this book. The main character is so hateable. Ennis better get with the revealing soon or I may lose my mind.
• Wolverine Origins #24 (**): The issue where Deadpool psychoanalyzes Wolverine. Oh, god… how cliché. WTF happened Way? I believed in you!
• Wonder Woman #19 (***): This was a misstep for Simone. There wasn’t much here to like. I thought we’d get a better answer to the question: Why does wonder Woman need to go off into space? Unfortunately, the answer was: Why not? You’re better than this, Gail. Try harder.
• Young X-Men #1 (**): It’s a first issue and it didn’t hook me. It was interesting, but not great. And FUCK, enough with Cyclops acting like an R-tard! Would the former leader of a group of persecuted teenagers really destroy that much public property… like, all the time!!!
I know that was more Quick Hits than usual, but my next shipment comes in tomorrow and I wanted to get the last batch of comics out of the way to make room for the new. So, you have my apologies.